Joined: Nov 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 3,204 Location: Colorado
The Mending « Thread Started on Oct 22, 2009, 4:01pm »
I longed to find another’s touch which held the power to restore a tattered hope, to reach emotions long ago dispelled when hatred’s hands secured a knotted rope.
Within my dreams I saw a brilliant flame that wrapped itself around me in the cold, but why cannot existence be the same? Perhaps it is. It’s starting to unfold.
An ally in this life and far beyond has made his way onto the battlefield. My injured heart is starting to respond and with his breath of love my spirit’s healed.
A miscued vow can leave a life in shreds, but true love found will bring the mending threads.
Joined: Jan 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 4,482 Location: Thoreau's backyard.
Re: The Mending « Reply #1 on Oct 23, 2009, 6:30pm »
JL,
What if you opened and closed each stanza with shorter line lengths? I think it would make it tighter.
Me
I longed to feel a touch which held the power to restore my shattered hopes and reached emotions long ago dispelled untying/unknotting all of hatred's ropes.
Re: The Mending « Reply #2 on Oct 25, 2009, 3:52am »
I am very pleased to see an English sonnet written by someone who refuses to waiver from its traditional form. For example, I personally do not respect the internet Haiku that deviates from the original form of the Haiku, nor do I feel much liking toward any other transmuting of an established style of poetry. There are a few free verse poems that have blown me out of my knickers, but I am still partial to strict guidelines; I realize that I have not commented on the actual message of your poem, but I feel happy for you, and hope it works out just like in your dreams. *Angel
P.S. Yes, I DO realize that even William Shakespeare did vary from his more common form of sonnet writing in pentameter when he penned Sonnet 114, written in tetrameter; therefore, in afterthought, perhaps we ALL should be able to bend a little, or at least, I in some bipolar moment!
Joined: Nov 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 3,204 Location: Colorado
Re: The Mending « Reply #3 on Oct 25, 2009, 11:50am »
I'm kinda like you, Angel, I could possibly write one in tetrameter but I'd never mentally be able to mix the two, just doesn't work for me. I love the sonnet and its pentameter, guess I've just got that stuck in my mind as well.
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