Rape

[alfredo]

just as a mongrel dog
dashes the rose bush
causing the perfumed petals
to settle on the rude earth below,
he shook her
took her, brutally
down to the ground
and her lovely scents
and innocence
followed her down
as the floating petals

and like a bird
she dipped and struggled
before the wind
bringing forth
silent screams

disenchanted
despoiled, dismantled,
traumatised and
tainted

her young confidence
disappearing forever
into the crimson
misting

[Jarlsbane - Michael Ray Cotner]

As a true poet you are in territory where no other wants to go... your subject matter is horrible... the most debase of human chacteristic... I am torn in that your poem so eloquently and elegantly written describes something that I don't want to associate with anything so lofty. I read the words and they flow in such stark contrast to the actions they descibe. In true poetic fashion I am forced to think, expand my mind to get my thoughts completely around the poem and for that reason I feel this is a fantasic piece, well written but just as your first stanza says this poem is a 'piss covered rose' and no one wants to touch it,smell it even though the beauty is still there. Very well done! -jarls

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

This is powerful subject matter. The poem is strong but over-written and could use some re-sequencing. I’d lose the abstraction as they are unnecessary. Here is my suggestion:

he shook her
just as a mongrel dog
dashes the rose bush
causing the perfumed petals
to settle on the rude earth below

took her
down to the ground
her scents
followed her down
like floating petals

and like a bird
she dipped and struggled
before the wind

her young confidence
disappearing forever
into
the crimson mist

[alfredo]

Thanks so much Leo for giving your precious time to it. I will reflect on what you have suggested. This work has disturbed many. Some background may assist: In my country the newspapers have been full of several high profile rapes. The earliest one but still ongoing in the media, concerned an attack sixteen years ago involving a group of policemen plus a police investigator accused of cover-up, and a single women, or girl as she was at the time. The media named it a “pack rape” i.e. by a group of policemen, plus other individual or pair of policemen as merely rape. This gutsy lady (who has since published a book) fought frustration of justice all the way including miscarriage and blockage of evidence. All policemen concerned have been found variously guilty.

The latest high profile case involves a now one-year-old offence and once again the accused has been found guilty (some 14 or so, days ago). To add to the misery and heartache of most New Zealander’s she was not only deaf (“see silent …etc in my work”) but also murdered. A farewell message in the form of a sign-language-song has just been posted on the www under You Tube.