Change

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

Change

I feel the whole motion turning
in the dark of trees
          dying fire bleeding orange
through black
before it sinks beyond Oklahoma.

Stars fail the November night
          and rain starts to fall
on oaks and elms struggling to hold leaves
in the grey breeze.

A change is coming.

Warm autumn air
moves through the open glass door
          where I stand
summoning Douglass
who shakes his wild white mane somewhere
beneath the Northern Star.

A change is coming with the setting sun.

We have worn the past like skin
covered in scars, marked with blue tattoos
          sewn four decades deep on freedom’s bones
buried with Bobby Kennedy and Martin King
and scores of lesser saints
          but now a change is coming
commanding twilight to close the day,
commanding dawn to shine
a brighter light and awaken sleeping dreams.

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Yes sir.......change is coming.......Some beautiful lines here, Ron:

"Stars fail the November night.."

And the whole last stanza...........

Well done my friend.......

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

Beautifully written, friend. Your imagery always leaves me in an unexplainable place.

[Marion Poirier]

Beautiful poem, Ron - only a few minor suggestions for
the last stanza to read smoother IMO. Marion

We have worn the past like skin
covered in scars, marked with blue tattoos
sewn four decades deep, on freedom’s bones
buried with Bobby Kennedy and Martin King
and scores of lesser saints. period
stanza break
but Now a change is coming
commanding twilight to close the day,
commanding and dawn to shine
a brighter light and awaken on sleeping dreams.

[mfwilkie]

Change
Hey, Cowboy,

I think this is your opening.

We have worn the past like a second skin
sewn decades deep on freedom’s bones

Mentioning Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King sets time, so I don't think you need to use the four decades.

Your present opening loses me.

And I like the repitition of a change is coming, but I'd keep it to that, and use it to the poem's advantage.

Mags





















I feel the whole motion turning
in the dark of trees
dying fire bleeding orange
through black
before it sinks beyond Oklahoma.

Stars fail the November night
and rain starts to fall
on oaks and elms struggling to hold leaves
in the grey breeze.

A change is coming.

Warm autumn air
moves through the open glass door
where I stand
summoning Douglass
who shakes his wild white mane somewhere
beneath the Northern Star.

A change is coming with the setting sun.

[ramadevi]

Got soul shivers reading the closing verse.

A change is coming with the setting sun.

We have worn the past like skin
covered in scars, marked with blue tattoos
sewn four decades deep on freedom’s bones
buried with Bobby Kennedy and Martin King
and scores of lesser saints
but now a change is coming
commanding twilight to close the day,
commanding dawn to shine
a brighter light and awaken sleeping dreams.


Exquisite.
What a voice, i always love to read your words, Ron.

No nits.

WOW!~

[alfredo]

Wow I almost missed this…..
and I need more time with it…
but so far, its bumps me rather nicely

[brianedwards]

Ron, I think Mags nailed it with her suggested opening.
Great sentiment and some stunning lines I agree, but maybe some shifting around and tightening would bring the poem out.

I'll look out for any revisions.

Cheers.

B.