Inexpressible

[ramadevi]

Revision (with Lynn D's kind help)

Mystic inspirations have no tools,
just fool-fingers point to old moons.
Touching quills to bare parchment,
black lines sail empty white-
but fail to express;
float surfaces
weightless; can't
fathom
depths.

Original

Mystic inspiration has no tools,
just fool-fingers to point at moon.
Touching quill to bare parchment,
black lines sail empty white-
verbs fail to express;
float on surface
weightless; can't
fathom
depths.

[mfwilkie]

rama,

While I like the sea metaphor, I don't believe its serving
the intent of the poem very well as it's written.

This is what I think your poem is trying to say, rama.


Mystic inspiration has no tools—
just foolish fingers searching
for the moon behind a cloud
of weightless verbs that refuse
to meet deep expectations of an
endless stretch of steady, empty lines.

Maggie

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Nice nonet, rama. I love the line....black lines sail empty white, and the concept of what I believe is a poetic blockage. Nice work..........

[mfwilkie]

Even in a nonet, jon, images and intent under the spell of a metaphor should be clear.

I think form here should be dropped while rama explores clear language and images
before tightening it to meet the expectations of form.

Maggie

[ramadevi]

Hello Mag and Jon, Thank you both for commenting on this.

I like your suggestions Maggie, althugh i may not use it in this nonet format, i may write a different version of this one bearing them in mind.

Jon, hank for recognizing this is in a nonet format. I did not so much mean write's block as the inherant inability of words to express the inexpressible nature of the divine. It is a subject-specific witer's block, i suppose.

[LynnDoiron]

Mystic inspirations have no tools,
just fingers pointing at old moons.
Touching quills to bare parchment,
black lines sail empty white-
verbs but fail to express;
float on surfaces
weightless; can't
fathom
depths.

Rama -- really have missed you, too! Forgive my tinkering above and if I've missed your intent, please ignore. Merry Hoidays, to you, and yours! lynn

[mfwilkie]

I think the changes Lynn suggests provide the clarity, rama. Maggie

[ramadevi]

Thanks Lynn dear! (and Mags too)

I love your suggestions and have implemented them, but felt like keeping those fingers as fools...

what do you think now?

I missed you (and everyone)- and it is sweet to retrun to greet old friends,

YEs, happy holidays. And always, always, feel free to tinker away...i love it.

Love, rd

[LynnDoiron]

You make me smile, rama!

This may be the right poem for fool-fingers -- but I'm not sure I understand the intent. It is often (very often) a very good thing to have varies layers of meaning in a word, or word pairings, or in an image; or to have a duality of ways that a reader might take a word in. With fool-fingers in this poem, while I like the aliteration and the idea -- I'm stopped from the flow of the work to consider those fool-fingers ----> are they the fingers of someone the narrator is calling a fool? are they fingers that are fooling around, diddling with the universe somehow or other? So, for me, 'just fools sadly point etc.' or 'just fingers pointing at old moons' + the lines that follow, allow me as reader to come to conclusion that mystic inspirations are based upon surface matter and do not go deep.

Wonderful days wished your way.

lynn

[ramadevi]

HI Lynn. Huh - that is interesting that this work
compels you to come to conclusion that mystic inspirations are based upon surface matter and do not go deep = because the message is not that at all! It is that mystic inspiration is so deep that words can only scratch the surface of them and fail fathom their depths.

There is an ancient eastern saying in regards to sacred scriptures that they are like fingers pointing at the moon. The finger is not the moon...itjust points to us where to look. people who become too much preoccupied with the 'teachings' of a religions often miss the inner heart of it.

So fool fingers is meant to indicate that looking only to the finger is foolish. Anyway, i am still contemplating changes to this line.

Thanks again for your time, attention and honesty!


Wish you wonderful days as well!
Hugs, rd

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

I love the sound of "fool-fingers" and they don't distract me that much, but do leave me pondering them. I don't know if that's good or bad. I enjoyed the work as a whole though. Ron

[LynnDoiron]

Wow, rama. I am sorry. I really came away with the opposite take on this. I was reading it as the mystic inspirations were just fool-fingers, and, consequently, had no depth. Really am sorry to have misinterpreted to such a degree! Yikes. I think I should hang up my poet's apron!

[ramadevi]

Sweet sister, NEVER HANG UP YOUR APRON. YOU ARE A MASTER GOURMET CHEF!

Love you, rama devi

Ron, love you too! Thanks for stopping by!