Nevermore (An Italian Sonnet, for you Mag)

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

Fatigued, she's trapped within his fear-built walls.
A bleeding gloom has forced her mind to dwell
with evil’s stench straight from the pit of hell.
She begs his favor, on her knees and crawls,
but laughter echoes through frenetic halls.
No mercy’s found, just eyes that ever quell
the drive to freedom from her captor’s cell.
Release me please, upon her heart she scrawls.
Be swift now Lord, I know ‘tis in Your hands
and that Your light from heaven will soon shine,
for Lord my body weakens with each dawn.
“Away thee death!” An angel’s voice commands.
“Rise bravely, child, my power now is thine.”
With might-filled sword her breakout door is drawn.


**The Italian sonnet included two parts. First, the octave (two quatrains), which describe a problem, followed by a sestet (two tercets), which gives the resolution to it. Typically, the ninth line creates a "turn" or volta which signals the move from proposition to resolution. Even in sonnets that don't strictly follow the problem/resolution structure, the ninth line still often marks a "turn" by signaling a change in the tone, mood, or stance of the poem.

[mfwilkie]

Reading this and reading this and have a few things for you to mull over.

I know, I know, it will change your rhyme scheme but that's okay.

Fatigued, she's trapped within his fear-built walls.

She's tired and trapped. He built her walls of fear
with threats of pain and forced her mind to dwell
on ugliness— he brought it straight from hell
and has her beg for favors when he's near.

I think if you approached this with a more current mode
of speech, you's have it aced, Sister, Sister.

Later,

Mags

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

I don't mind the mode of speech, for I feel it is one of your voices, JL and a primary one at that.

L4 "She begs his favor, on her knees she (and) crawls,"

I say this for the purpose of giving her and she a break with a simple conjunction.

L7 bumped me--I know you didn't want to use "her" again, but I had to stop and think about who "this captor" was........

A message of optimism is clearly heard..........reclaiming one's strength after being kept under another's thumb...........

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

Thank you, Jon. I took your advice on the and, you were right and I revised that other line so hopefully it is more clear. You are right this is one of my primary voices and I actually enjoy this piece as is. That other voice Maggie looks for hasn't been out for a bit but she'll find her way.

Hope you are feeling okay, dear.

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Hi JL. I'll get to this this weekend. Great to see one of these.

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Nice edits, Jo. I'm feeling very well these days post surgery. Thanks for asking. Wishing you a New Year with extreme promise and good health...........