River of life (mod 2)

[alfredo]

The spirit of the dragonfly
hovers the wet
just as the searching sun
vibrates the waters
divides the pure
from what is not.

And in fragrant mists
droplets form;
a miracle;
a gentle resurrection

Later, clouds catch
the forest pinnacle,
and with tinkle sounds,
release all that was gathered
to pat and pitter the leaves;
delicious trickles
that filter and find
their way to the deep
rocky platforms.


Past the step
where all is concentrated
in solid translucent walls,
where the white foam
prances the verticals,
follows the silent dwell

And waiting their turn to slide
to the accelerating edge,
lie the golden leaves
and spinning twigs
that cause the darting shadows
to dive between the greens
that wave against
the flow

[mfwilkie]

'fredo,

Thoughts on the second line and the last two lines in the stanza below:

The spirit of the dragonfly
hovers over wet
just as the searching sun
vibrates the waters,
divides the pure
from what is not.

Re: tinkling and delicious tricklings; maybe some stronger word choices, here.

Watch the 'ing's, 'fredo. Too many water energy, tone, sound and imagery down.

Maggie

[alfredo]

Well said MF ...and thanks once more
for all your toil

Made some changes must dash..


(You are right I've got a thing about 'ings)

[mfwilkie]

;D

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

Even as a staunch defender of the much abused reputation of the 'ing', I must agree with replacing "tinkling" and probably "trickling" too. I think there are better choices, maybe {the sound of easy rain} or maybe better than that. I think the choices are out there though. Still very good stuff. Ron