Seek, and ye might find

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

A Nonet

he sits with aged fingers on gray keys
attempts to let his wisdom forth
from trembling hands that cradle
years of life-lived lessons
but the keyboard's rude
holds no respect
alters words
knowledge
hash

[bulerias]

The moment I saw your post, I said, "YES! Another lesson in form..." Great use of words to form your nine lines, nine syllables, then eight syllables etc... And the image is so poignant of those crooked fingers fighting with the keyboard. Great job!!

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

Oh no, I'm too predictable....As Maggie sits there and nods, UH HUH, LOL

Thanks for your kindness, I do enjoy form writing, no doubts about that.

[mfwilkie]

Good morning, JL,

Because the Nonet is so tight, each line needs to provide maximum information to feed the reader's imagination.

In nine syllables, the opening line needs to act like a solid platform to build on. It's like a whole novel or movie set
in nine lines.

Lines 2-4, here, JL, are re-stating the information in the first line and you're losing development room.

he sits with aged fingers on gray keys
attempts to let his wisdom forth
from trembling hands that cradle
years of life-lived lessons

Your 5th line is a killer. I love it!!!
I think it's the key to your draft.

Here's an example of tightening lines working off that great line of yours and my interpretation of your intent.

He rests experience on cold keys
and speaks of relevant music;
his way of reaching the young—
but the keyboard is rude,
pitched with impatience.
He shuts the lid
and hums pain
to him-
self.

or another thought on the ending:

He shuts the lid,
hums life's pains
to him-
self.

THink tight, Jo Lynn.

Mags

[Timothy Juhl]

Hi Jo Lynn,

I have to admit Line 5 is the strongest line in this poem, and with that, the final line is the weakest. Maggie's forced break of 'himself' in her suggestion is a great way to tie the poem together. Thanks for reminding me of this form!

Tim

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

Wow, that's great what you did with it Maggie, shit, I'll work with it but I really like what you did there. If only I lived right next to you...perhaps....

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

I like Maggie's ideas applied to yours. They work well. I think yours stands well also as it is. I would say, {attempts to set his feeling free} in line two. It sounds as if the man assumes his own wisdom otherwise and that bumps me a bit, most likely just me. How's Colorado, Ma'am? Oklahoma's cold this morning. Ron

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

Cold and cloudy here too, looks like it might snow, haven't ventured out yet but the grocery list is urging that, so is the refrigerator and the 7 year old, LOL

Hope you are well friend.