Post Card Sonnet First Revision

[mfwilkie]

Oscillating fans
are a poor substitute
for the back-breath of incoming tides.
Sometimes.
Most times.
If, of a sudden, flowers arrived
in the company of appreciation and five pounds
of plain M&Ms, I'd have to stop reading Berrigan.
Become a clever woman. My teeth would hurt.
I want your pen staining my sheets with sonnets,
inking my thighs with words to feed the sea.

Sometimes you men are dullards, and very often,
further away than Mars.

[LynnDoiron]

like this one, mugs

[David Nelson Bradsher]

I like it, too, Mags. Five pounds of M & Ms? The most you ever sent me was one.

Berrigan? Blech!

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

quite often, in fact, and I like this revision.

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

Really like where this has come to. I like it a lot. Mars isn't all that far away, and at least we're not always dullards, okay, frequently, but not always. Go Yankees!!! Ron

[Timothy Juhl]

Maggie,

I really like this revision, particularly the break before the final two lines. It gives the form an interesting rhythm and reinforces those final images for the reader. I've also fallen in love with the lines 'Sometimes./Most times. and I have no earthly idea why other than their simplicity that belies a deeper thought.

Tim