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Post by mfwilkie on Mar 15, 2009 0:23:00 GMT -5
I
hard grey, the sea two days ago—
hard almost to the horizon, to a ribbon of navy blue, an edge of confinement running north and south, the color of blue a gringa expects in her dreams of the sea.
Yet, it was as if the strength in this contrast of blue was a barrier holding that hardness close to shore; a new face of hardness working its way through the lives of a people forced to chase their dreams over ugly fences built by neighbors who stonewall the facts of history with their comfortable revisionist views; neighbors who forgotten how much we in America stole from them to be, to become.
II
a dog barks in an empty street and the air above the street stretches its silence searching for the music of heritage.
III
three cars go out to work, come home to eat. it's the height of rush hour below open windows—the effort and luck to still have a job that feeds the children whose everyday games of soccer feed ears of poets living on their street.
IV
beyond the smiles that seep from the ease of compelling people, hawkers call out, their embarrasment pocketed deep inside their pride.
And while they mean, please come, tourista, help us feed this loco poverty, there is no blue in the room as you lift your fork.
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Post by Angel Clementine on Mar 30, 2009 2:37:09 GMT -5
Just two clerical nooks, hardly worth mentioning in this extreme reality group of snapshots that one would probably never see on any postcard, nor poster (yes, I've created a dangling participle- I know): L 16 (you probably meant, "forgot"); also, in part III, end of L 2, a semi colon.
Your final line felt dramatically effective to me, a somber retrieval back to the, "blue a gringa expects" in part I. Thank you, Maggie, for exhibiting a perspective of your journey. _Angel
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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Mar 31, 2009 17:55:14 GMT -5
don't think you mean to use those two caps on yet in line 7 or and in that last section as you have none elsewhere. That's quite the visual you have painted. Perhaps that room is actually filled with a different shade of blue. That's good writing Mags, really enjoyed it.
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Post by mfwilkie on Apr 3, 2009 1:48:29 GMT -5
Thanks, Angel and Jo Lynn; it needs a wee bit of work still, but I'm glad you both enjoyed it.
Mags
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Post by LynnDoiron on Apr 3, 2009 13:41:29 GMT -5
So fix those little bugs of typos so we's can look at the fixed lines and nod [or not] --
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