Lynn these are great images; however
needs to show more of a connection between lines.
Ku's are written without joining two
of the lines and they can work, but often without
a connecting word, it comes off like a list.
You don't have a verb here and without one,
the ku appears flat without movement.
Also, IMO you have one too many images for this
brief form that should have no more than three.
I am counting April's window as a separate image.
Usually the time of year appears in the first line
to establish the background. I would eliminate
the corn god image as this is an English language
ku and not translated from the Japanese or other language.
I know you want to keep the traditional format
of 5-7-5 so you would have to reword slightly.
Below is only one way you could work this ku.
Perhaps you would find the tanka form more appropriate
to express the entire scene. You would have
five lines to work with - an additional two lines of 7 - 7
and the rules are far less stingent.
My suggestion for the ku:
through April's window
a moth flutters in wet grass
pink house in the sun
M
Lynn, here is a link by Jane Reichhold; she explains
more clearly some of the factors involved in haiku
and elaborates on my comments.
ahapoetry.com/h_t_another_definition.html
