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Post by ramadevi on May 25, 2009 9:39:31 GMT -5
Ambition often owns appeal for youth, who crave to garner fame. The elders know that moments steal away so quick, not heeding name. For in the end, all gains are lost when we are billed with mortal cost.
With ignorance of pride we strive to scale the highest mountain peak. But faith seeds bloom and fully thrive in tender hearts, both mild and meek. Most people seek to top the chart, forgetting triumph's of the heart.
A cyclone trashes mansion's mane, but lashes not the lowly lawn. The coda after storm's refrain finds curtains of despair withdrawn. Grass bends upon a pressured step, but springs back up, with poise adept.
It's better to live humbly free of vanity's absurd conceit and pray that we may wholly be surrendered at God's Holy Feet. Real faith reflects in simple deeds that nourish soul and plant love seeds.
* An oldie, much revised
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Post by Jarlsbane - Michael Ray Cotner on May 26, 2009 15:33:06 GMT -5
What a marvelous poem.... flows well with such a good message. I like this very much! If it's an oldie I must have missed it first time round.... very well written!
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Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on May 26, 2009 18:48:05 GMT -5
Such a lovely message, communicated so well....I have but 2 small comments....removal of the apostrophe in "triumph's" and in S1L2, perhaps substitute "yearn" for "crave" since one usually craves something or someone (an object), not to something or someone.
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Post by ramadevi on May 26, 2009 23:55:03 GMT -5
HI Michael - Thanks for your kind reviews. The old version was very mediocre. i do not thing I even posted it here! Lovely to see you again! Love, rd Namaste dear Jon. Thanks for I love your suggestions. But triumph's is meant to be triumph is....and is that incorrect? ? I am unsure of this. Please let me know if you think triumph is can be written as triumph's. Yearn sounds better and has alliteration too! Love it. Thanks Love you too! rd
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Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on May 27, 2009 7:54:51 GMT -5
You are correct, dear rama. I read triumph's wrong. I love you too.
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