Saiko Train Ride

[Ron Buck (halfshell)]

Saiko Train Ride
.

Passing stallion frowns
foggy passenger flying
lovers unshackle

coolly sly broad doubt
laughing woman fluttering
passenger replies

mad boatman limps, stone
slurps, smooth chimeras ringing
incarnation prowls

eggs copulate, blue
opulent rapid snowbirds
regurgitate, flat

foolish kind flaccid
ripples languish roughly, drab
naughty cloud snoring

lemon peels waddle
hotly, joyful plodding queen
pulling toothless brutes

parroting waif aches
proud phantasms snicker, raw
monk coughs, roaring, quick

glacier swoons, bloating
moaning juniper labors
snowman delivers

expectations flow
softly, intimate waitress
blossoming echoes.

[/size]

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Desipite being a form that I don't normally like, I like that you enjoined many of the 5-7-5 beasties into one seemingly ekphrastic piece. It's hard to set the scene so vividly in so few syllables, but you pulled it off, Ron...and quite smartly, too.

DNB

[Marion Poirier]

Ron, you are relying heavily on modifiers
as filler words to stay within the format.

This form requires few adjectives,
rarely adverbs.

M

[Ron Buck (halfshell)]

David,

not one of my favorites either... but i had been reading through sunflower splendor and thought wouldn't it be nice to have a sense of humor and decided to play. Thanx for your thoughts.

Marion, sorry about the "form" requirements and "filler" words... "lions, and tigers, and bears! Oh, My!" I promise to eat all my peas next time around... lol... many thanx for the look!

Tidings
ron

[Tina (Firefly)]

it feels (yes, feels) like an impressionist painting to me. I like the Renoir of it. Fresh, fun, and adventuresome. Yay!