The Mid-Night Bloom (10 Minute Poetry)

[Jarlsbane - Michael Ray Cotner]

above
the starry sky
shines like black granite
speckled with a billion questions
as I prostate
beneath
search but a single answer
entangled by prairie grass
and buckhorn
while a few hoary oak
stand watch
more than half-asleep
dreaming of younger days
when evening primrose
listened
to the night breeze
at their feet
and it didn't matter
no one was there
to see the mid-night bloom

[Marion Poirier]

Michael, IMO this is pretty darn good for a poem
written in ten minutes; it even makes sense.
I can see why you don't have punctuation or
line breaks - because of the time limit you set.
I like to see a poem develop from a seed of thought,
and I hope this is not the final draft.

Punctuation and caps would enhance this poem
as would line breaks though it probably is your
intent to let it flow at a fast pace like the way
your thoughts were formed.
I'd delete the last line as you have it in the title
and it's a good ending without this line. I also
think you have some unnecessary words here
and might want to think about some of the word choices.
Here's an example (just for another perspective). Marion



above
The starry sky shines
shines like black granite
speckled with a billion questions.
asI prostaterecline beneath -
search but a single answer
entangled by prairie grass
and buckhorn.

while A few hoary oak
stand watch
more than half-asleep
dreaming of younger days
when evening primrose
listened
to the night breeze
at their feet

and It didn't matter
no one was there.
to see the mid-night bloom

[Ron Buck (halfshell)]

you got me on prostate... was that a typo or Freudian embellishment? I could go with a few edits to keep some meandering in check but keep the flow... the evolution has good trim.

tidings
ron