Being (take two)

[zambatriste]

Being (take two)

I dreamt,
And in this lucid dream, bright fire fell from the sky.
A flaming arc of molten rock was coming here to die.

I watched its path unfolding, precious seconds passed unseen.
Time and space turned inside out and carried me in-between.

The strike would be astounding; as such, no one could survive –
A decimation absolute with nothing left alive.

The past no longer mattered and the future stopped right here;
All we had were these moments now, no time to shed a tear.

No time to see the rising moon, no time to watch the sun.
While Earth would surely rise again, Man's reign on her was done.

I dreamt,
And in my daedal dream, I stood upon a shore,
Mere seven miles from zero ground, not hiding anymore.

Water lapped around my feet when the blazing impact came.
I waited, and watched the widening death – swift, without shame.

I thought I would feel the burning, I thought there’d be some pain,
I felt release, a sense of peace, a lightness unrestained.

I hovered above my body. A change ensued somehow.
The shell of me, once in the sea, was only cinder now.

I laughed. My revelation: I'd forgot that I believed
The Conscious Mind, the mortal coil - are separately perceived!

I explored my transformation and left my coil behind
As I immersed in the Universe, singing Auld Lang Syne.

I woke,
And in my awak’ning, bright fire fell from the sky.
It was the sun – my dreaming done - but still, no fear had I.



It's past one in the morning....David, can I please go to sleep now?

Z

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Hi Z-

Rather than having two existing threads with same poem, I'm going to move this to the original post, so reviewers can look at your revision and the original together, to gauge changes better.

Hopefully, you weren't waiting on me to answer your request for sleep. I was long gone by then, and didn't even make it through the Oscars.

[mfwilkie]

lara,

I'm reading some of this as out of meter in spite of lines with similar numbers of stressed words.

I'm going to look closer to see where it's pinching my ear and why.

Back at ya.

Maggie


I dreamt,
And in this lucid dream, bright fire fell from the sky.
7 stresses, 8 if you hear fell from as a double iamb the way I do.

A flaming arc of molten rock was coming here to die. 7 stresses

I watched its path unfolding, precious seconds passed unseen. 7 stresses

Time and space turned inside out and carried me in- between. 7 stresses if you remove 'in' which i don't think you need.

The strike would be astounding; as such, no one could survive – 7 stresses


A decimation absolute with nothing left alive. 7 stresses

The past no longer mattered and the future stopped right here; 6 stresses

All we had were these moments now, no time to shed a tear. 7 stresses

No time to see the rising moon, no time to watch the sun. 7 stresses

While Earth would surely rise again, Man's reign on her was done. 7 stresses

I dreamt,
And in my daedal dream, I stood upon a shore, 6 stresses

Mere seven miles from zero ground, not hiding anymore. 7 stresses

Water lapped around my feet when the blazing impact came. 7 stresses

I waited, and watched the widening death – swift, without shame. 7 stresses

I thought I would feel the burning, I thought there’d be some pain, 6 stresses

I felt release, a sense of peace, a lightness unrestained. 7 stresses

I hovered above my body. A change ensued somehow. 6 stresses

The shell of me, once in the sea, was only cinder now. 7 stresses

I laughed. My revelation: I'd forgot that I believed 7 stresses

The Conscious Mind, the mortal coil - are separately perceived! 7 stresses

I explored my transformation and left my coil behind 7 stresses

As I immersed in the Universe, singing Auld Lang Syne. 7 stresses

I woke,
And in my awak’ning, bright fire fell from the sky. 6 stresses

It was the sun – my dreaming done - but still, no fear had I. 7 stresses