Postcards from the Apocalypse (Ver. 2)

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

We have never talked about a time like this—
nor heard its echo, in the hollow moon of sky,
sounding like a sketch hidden in a charcoal silhouette.

In the spin and shudder, we see silk maidens
parcel brilliant red on the cheeks of their lovers off to war;
the smoky beach where lieutenants on white horses
trot by a carousel of the jovial soldiers who celebrate their voyage home.

There is a ring…no a bell…no a clang…
in the sky, as God trumpets to his bemused people,

It is thunder that ushers the armies of deliverance,
blood the final instrument of peace,
patience that prepares the meals of the forgiven

for the instant between heaven and earth cannot be cloaked
in the smoke and brimstone of war.

[mfwilkie]

“It is thunder that ushers the armies of deliverance,
blood that is the final instrument of peace,
patience that prepares the meals of the forgiven.

And the instant between heaven and earth cannot be lost
in the smoke and brimstone of war.”

Here! Here!

Can you identify the quote for me, Leo?

Thanks,

Maggie

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

Not a quote...just part of the poem...I put it in quotations because it's supposed to be God's words.

[Sherry Thrasher]

We have never talked about a time like this—
nor heard its echo, in the hollow moon of sky,
sound like a charcoal sketch hidden in a silhouette of a shudder.

In a Black and white (film) movie(,) maidens, in ivory silk,
strain rubescent stains on the cheeks of their soldiers off to war.
And on the smoky beach lieutenants on white horses
stride by a carousel of the jovial enlisted who celebrate their voyage home.

There is a ring, no a bell, no a clang I (in) the sky.
God yells back to his people, who do not understand,

It is thunder that ushers the armies of deliverance,
blood (,) that is the final instrument of peace,
patience that prepares the meals of the forgiven.

The instant between heaven and earth cannot be cloaked
in the smoke and brimstone of war.


Or something like that,
Sherry

[MichaelFirewalker]

good for you for speaking of it, the unspeakable elephant stomping through our collective psyches----am wondering what you are sensing in that acutely sensitive awareness of yours----this is not a poem about the passions of life, but rather, its dissolution...here is the only one I've written to it----I hate the subect...

____APOCALYPSE____

from birth to death
they do abound

hate-words’ dazzling
surround-sound

with armageddon
darkened wars

horseman four
drive winning scores

then leave us crawling
on the floor

clawing blood
onto our doors



michael

[Tina (Firefly)]

Sherry has done a good editing job, Leo, as there are quite a few spots which needed a bit of cleaning and cropping. I knew, after reading this, that you had seen "Atonement" which I thought was a powerful powerful powerful film. Your piece collects the message and delivers it well. I had a problem with the line "strain rubescent stains." I do not understand "strain stains." Perhaps you do. Any way, there is no doubt that you know how to take the power from any given moment and bring it to the front of the stage. Tina

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Very powerful, Leo, but I do like Sherrie's edits very much.

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Love Line 3......
In S3, I was thrown until I finally understood what you meant, Leo. It might make it clearer to the reader to phrase it as such:

"There is a ring.......no....... a bell......no..... a clang in the sky..."
Something to indicate the pause while the listener reflects upon what it is that he hears.

In a black and white movie(,) maidens in ivory silk..
To me, if the movie is in black and white, then you probably don't need "ivory."

I like Sherry's proposals as well.

Good to see you in the Apple...........

[LynnDoiron]

We have never talked about a time like this—
nor heard its echo[,] in the hollow moon of sky[,] [i'd remove these commas]
sounding like a sketch hidden in a charcoal silhouette. [i'd swap places with sketch and hidden, as in: sounding like a hidden sketch in a charcoal silhouette.]

In the spin and shudder, we see silk maidens
parcel brilliant red on the cheeks of their lovers(.) (O)ff to war[;] [i'd period after lovers; replace semi after "war" with a comma or dash, and let the smoky beach follow.]
the smoky beach where lieutenants on white horses
trot by a carousel of [the jovial] soldiers who celebrate their voyage home. [i'd omit the jovial as celebrate says as much; or, i'd omit the celebrate and tweak to read "trot by a carousel of jovial soldiers, happy heading home" something like that -- but not both; to me, both seems redundant.]

There is a ring…no a bell…no a clang…
in the sky, as God trumpets [to his bemused people,] [i'd omit and put a period after trumpets]

It is thunder that ushers the armies of deliverance,
blood the final instrument of peace,
patience that prepares the meals of the forgiven

(F)or the instant between heaven and earth cannot be cloaked
in the smoke and brimstone of war.

Leo, the italicized portion of the poem does not read to me like it comes from God. Favorite area of this is the parcel line with kiss on cheeks in parting; many strong and excellent areas in this work -- my nitty notes are just for you to consider. lynn