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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Mar 17, 2008 16:00:21 GMT -5
she sleeps the sleep of winter dark
inside her pitch-black cave but knows
cold movements of her salmon streams
frozen tracks of farthest stars
from here she feels her seasons roll
tastes the harsh blood-muddied toll
exacted by barbed feet of men
who stomp across her dozing soul
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Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on Mar 23, 2008 12:16:01 GMT -5
I like the natural feel mother earth personified. My only suggestion is subjective and most likely just my voice imposing itself. Ron
she sleeps the sleep of winter dark
inside her pitch-black cave she but knows
cold movements of her salmon streams
frozen tracks of the farthest far distant stars
from here she feels the seasons roll
tastes the harsh blood-muddied toll
exacted by barbed feet of men
who stomp across her dozing soul
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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Mar 23, 2008 14:52:00 GMT -5
you are right, Ron----I like "but" better in that line----will keep "farthest" because of meter, but ditched the "the"
thanks!
michael
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Nan
EP Gold 1000 Posts Plus
Posts: 1,076
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Post by Nan on Mar 23, 2008 15:31:50 GMT -5
Michael,
You captured hibernation quite nicely in this poem. I love the line "from here she feels the season rolls." As Ron said, great usage of personification. Happy Easter, Michael.
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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Mar 23, 2008 15:47:50 GMT -5
Happy Easter to you also, Nan, and thank you...
michael
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