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Post by LynnDoiron on Mar 28, 2008 14:59:41 GMT -5
yesterday: the weak spatter of loose green, a green watered down with yellow, a green that could not rise from its bed of winter twig. Today, the bark is thrown back. All the gay skirts rise in their ruffles, vibrant in their ruffles, painting all that is with thick beginning.
Behind me, time is the eternal other tree, the stumps and the cones, lost seeds and found ones, and so far, so far, the promise of rain no more than a low grumble, subtle as a chorus of hymn singers in a closed white church on a green slope in another state.
I can’t see them, but I know their leaves are the coins slipped through the slot of this piggy earth, like love slipped with a knot that worries a hole in the heart. But what is lost isn’t truly – little hats perk the ground like gnomes wearing browns; my wild onions throw a stalk out from the bulb down under, blue-purple stars erupt at the end of an arc; the air, always surprised by garnet earth’s good breath, inhales and there is that small shudder, skin rising, as if an opening note from an aria by Verdi tickled the hairs of being.
I empty pails of green to the page, and the flow fills this heart. The sky is alabaster and waiting for the church of rain to pour. We are seed today. My coffee is strong and good. We are song, me and my beans, my seeds, my cones – and we sing. We sing.
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Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on Mar 28, 2008 21:08:09 GMT -5
Lynn-all I can say is that this poem brought me someplace other- than. Some of the lines are incredibly filled with such meatiness..
"all that is with thick beginning."
"their leaves are the coins slipped through the slot of this piggy earth.." (Ingenious)
"the air, always surprised by garnet earth's good breath..."
I sang inside myself.
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Post by LynnDoiron on Mar 28, 2008 22:23:22 GMT -5
Oh, jon, you make me glad. We sing! [And just when I was absolutely certain I could not write even one more poem about spring . . . along came Neruda, and this]
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Post by mfwilkie on Mar 28, 2008 23:11:46 GMT -5
Fantastic, chicky!
Mugs
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Post by mfwilkie on Apr 1, 2008 8:58:16 GMT -5
chicky,
I'm always facsinated by how lines change with what might be considered the simpliest of substitutions: 'a' for 'the', or 'the' for 'a' and what it does.
Like here:
The sky is alabaster and waiting for the church of rain to pour. We are seed today.
The sky is alabaster and waiting for a church of rain to pour. We are seed today.
Mugs
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Post by LynnDoiron on Apr 1, 2008 10:59:45 GMT -5
You give me pause to think on this. "a" church of rain gives the notion that there are many, and there are many weather fronts that move in one after the next through the season. "the" church of rain gives the notion of a singular one belonging to this particular alabaster sky. I will probably stick with "the" on this one, but I haven't stopped considering yet. Opinions out there? a or the? Really appreciate your comments here, mugs. Thanks!
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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Apr 1, 2008 14:35:53 GMT -5
this is another of your gifts that fills me with the heart of the Mother who is Earth, and I have to tell you, truly not wanting to sound too ooey-gooey, that it feeds my soul with life, real life, the kind that runs black between your fingers and falls like manna from a thickened sky----this is a very specific picture----it is a one-of-a-kind surround that engulfs you where you live, and, because of your skill with a pen, it literally engulfs us here too, as though we were standing next to you, taking it all in as you do----for that reason, I think "the church of rain", the one right above "the" land you stand on, is more appropriate than "a church of rain" which would tend to let my mind drift to other possibilities when I don't want it to----I just want to stand and drink in "the" land...
hope that makes some sense, michael
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Post by Sherry Thrasher on Apr 3, 2008 11:57:00 GMT -5
My, my, Miss Linnie, how you do amaze me. This is just fantastic work.
like love slipped with a knot that worries a hole in the heart. But what is lost isn’t truly –
You have no idea how this affects my own heart. I met with Andrew's Mom and if you don't mind, I'd like to e-mail a copy to her. Yes, love does wear a hole in the heart.
Stunning work and I would agree with "the" church of rain.
Sherry
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Post by LynnDoiron on Apr 4, 2008 12:53:08 GMT -5
Of course I don't mind. What a compliment, -- thank you.
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Post by sandpiper on Apr 5, 2008 7:28:44 GMT -5
I think this is just lovely, lynn. I think for the ending, and my reading of it. I stumbled a little because I was looking for we sing, and we sing. as opposed to and we sing we sing. I think if you took the "-" out after cones, that would take care of it for me. but as always that's just my take... Lovely write! -piper
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Post by Sherry Thrasher on Apr 7, 2008 11:41:12 GMT -5
You're welcome. I am working on a poem about Annie and would like to pm it to you in a couple of days (a villanelle..eeek!) I am still up to my elbows in paint and sawdust. Really a great poem you have here.
Sherry
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