Jewel

[MichaelFirewalker]

why is a flame
who is a spark
what is this jewel
you are

perhaps it is a pouring
into a neverending

perhaps it is the storing
of white hope ever bending
seven rays

perhaps it’s in the shine
of facets flashing color
in your days

or perhaps it is the wending
of your endearing ways
through mine

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

let it shine darling...I think the title should be just Jewel (more mysterious) and this line is a little bumpy:

of white hope ever bending
out from seven rays

perhaps just:

of white hope bending
from seven rays

sort of too modified

Nice poem with great energy.

[Marion Poirier]

Hi Michael,
The first stanza throws me off - it's a mangled
question, statement and not cohesive.
I'd start off with line 3 and I like suggestions
offered by Leo. Regardless, enjoyed the read.
Marion

[MichaelFirewalker]

Hi Leo!----most blessed you like it----and great suggestions---- agree with them, so edited accordingly...

many thanks,
michael

[MichaelFirewalker]

dear Marion----good to hear from you----I pray all is well in your world, and thank you for your gracious insights----I can see how you are seeing those first few lines, and from that perspective, you are right, but for some reason, I like their quirkiness just as they are----the poem is kind of philosophical, and for me, those odd lines keep it from reading too heavy...

many thanks,
michael

[alfredo]

I liked reading this but envisioned it even shorter/crisper:

what is this jewel
you are

a pouring
into a never ending

an ever bending
seven rays

perhaps the shine
of facets flashing

or the wending
of your endearing ways

devine in mine



Glittering title BTW

[MichaelFirewalker]

I like what you have done with it, alfredo----must cogitate some...

love,
michael