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Post by mfwilkie on Jan 3, 2008 8:30:49 GMT -5
In spring, only disturbing cries from high winds and slanted storms force windows closed.
Ditto summer. Ditto fall. Sensibilities rise on these occasions. Music is about to change.
The improvised shudder of leaves and all sounds natural to the ear give ground to
insistance on a barrier roof, and modulation shifts from rain on grass to rain on glass,
with creaks and moans from man-made things that could never sing on their own. Cold
has no tone, no pitch. But it is capable of mood swings, leaving dazzlements of snow
as penance-presents for driving us Moderns in, interrupting stylized drives to achieve an elegy
that plays to the ego of Ad-men and the cash register. When did we lose the year-long music of Christmas
to these revisionists with no serious peace in their hearts or good will to their fellow man—
revisionists nervy enough to press for pity that we haven't made their economy rich enough
while we tolerate the poor becoming poorer without protest? Every shade of greed distorts tradition.
Ditto what used to be the cornerstone of pride in an American way of life—the righteous achievement
of freedom.
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Post by David Nelson Bradsher on Jan 3, 2008 9:21:02 GMT -5
Mags, great stuff. No suggestions at first scan.
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Post by purplejacket on Jan 3, 2008 10:03:41 GMT -5
Ooh, Mags. I may just have to let you inspire me. Can I borrow your muse a little? Mine seems to be on vacation looking for her blindspot or a way to not mind (love) being someone else. Mmmmmmm for Man made things that would never sing on their own.
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Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on Jan 5, 2008 0:41:22 GMT -5
Mags, not only do I really enjoy the intelligent voice and sentiment of the piece, I am captured by its rhythmic sense of movement. No nits whatsoever in my first tour. Ron
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Post by LeoVictorBriones (poetremains) on Jan 5, 2008 3:53:18 GMT -5
Nice stuff here Maggie...I think this series needs to be more concrete:
to these revisionists with no serious peace in their hearts or good will to their fellow man—
revisionists nervy enough to press for pity that we haven't made their economy rich enough
while we tolerate the poor becoming poorer without protest? Every shade of greed distorts tradition.
The last line is fine.
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Post by LynnDoiron on Jan 5, 2008 10:11:32 GMT -5
I am sorry, but I still have trouble bringing the first half and second half around as belonging in the same poem. I don't get how the seasons apply to the greed and politics. I know, I know -- perhaps it's just me and I'm being my usual obtuse self!
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Ron Buck (halfshell)
EP Gold 750 Posts Plus
EP Word Master and Published Member
-------- ecce signum --------- ------ behold the proof ------
Posts: 988
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Post by Ron Buck (halfshell) on Jan 5, 2008 11:11:39 GMT -5
Nice riffs, but i feel like you've painted yourself in a corner, now the question is how do you pull it together? the opening is waiting to be served up as part of the finale. If not, then the setting doesn't get it's just dessert. There should be a pull-back trailer clip that reveals the entire landscape.
mebbe not. the language is tight and compelling... perhaps that's all that's needed.
tidings ron
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Post by mfwilkie on Jan 5, 2008 23:53:23 GMT -5
Thanks for the read, guys and gals.
Lynn and Ron, it does stop too soon. And you're right too, Leo; it does need something of an anchor.
Thanks,
Maggie
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Post by wavemaker9 (Rick D.) on Jan 6, 2008 2:21:32 GMT -5
Maggie, I've made many attempts to reply but stopped in fear. I don't understand, your position's not clear. Left or right, achieved freedom's important. But believing in strengths based on gender or color is one more division and one more border. We've passed these tests long ago and have written new words to include all entitled, once smitten. But to think that a nation that enables by giving, is believing in fables where the hero’s just sittin’. Ask not what your country can do for you has become, “why ask what it’s done, it’s not for me, boo-ho. If we support selfish diners or whiners, a world much less advantaged sees our greed and not freedom’s refiners. Even needy can seem greedy to those that have nothing but hope.
I'm sorry. maybe I should shut up now. Rick
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Post by mfwilkie on Jan 6, 2008 16:47:41 GMT -5
Good gosh, don't ever shut up, Rick. Too many people do that, already.
Maggie
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