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Post by David Nelson Bradsher on Jan 3, 2008 8:56:02 GMT -5
Long-distance call—her voice was pancake-flat. She got a sweater, and a purple yoga mat for Christmas, with some odds and ends from distant friends (who know her better).
I thought she’d miss me—well, I guess she does, but I expected more than sundry words because she had professed commitment at the gate (her plane was late and re-directed.)
This always happens at the holidays: I think about her in that lover’s brainless haze, an insecure embellishment of tones that blares through phones and makes me doubt her.
She will arrive, though, with a hug and kiss that quells emotion with the quick return of bliss, a back-to-normal ass-pat and a glance of sheer romance and clear devotion.
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Post by Sherry Thrasher on Jan 3, 2008 11:56:50 GMT -5
Aaaamazing. I had to dig to find the rhyme scheme. Hey, if you're interested meet me at The Perculator tonight at seven for open mic poetry. Love the ass pat... Sher
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Post by David Nelson Bradsher on Jan 3, 2008 12:07:44 GMT -5
Thanks, Sherry. Just experimenting. I couldn't format it the way I wanted to, which would have shown the rhyme scheme, so I just centered it. Not my deepest verse, but I just wanted to see how this would settle.
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Vasile Baghiu
EP Gold 1000 Posts Plus
EP Word Master
poetry is rather a matter of life than art
Posts: 1,385
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Post by Vasile Baghiu on Jan 4, 2008 5:52:34 GMT -5
I like that “This always happens at the holidays”, David, and I think that the result of your experiment sounds very well. Vasile
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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Jan 4, 2008 14:35:38 GMT -5
Love that opening line!!!!! What to do about that brainless haze? I like this, D.
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Post by sandpiper on Jan 4, 2008 17:08:22 GMT -5
I love the scheme. and the flow. and the reunion. I would go back and change some of the capitals at the beginning of a few of the lines to lower case, as they seem to stand out. Other than that, I think it works perfectly. -piper
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Post by David Nelson Bradsher on Jan 5, 2008 13:25:41 GMT -5
Thank you, Piper, and I agree. I usually fix the Microsoft Word tendency to automatically cap everything at the beginning of a line, but I inexplicably left it this time. Changing now. Thanks.
David
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