Paper Bag Poem #74

[mfwilkie]

It was at the back edge of night,
in those last private moments a poet
owns before dawn lets loose with noise
and light when potency re-claimed its
authority from sadness and grief.

Uncle Teddo says to his young niece,
What are you doing there, finger-spinning
that Maple leaf?

Listening to you, and thinking.

There is no greed in full and separate.
Just self-acceptance. Consciousness.
Cold. Complete.

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Fantastic, Mags. I changed a mispelled word for you, but I love the poem, especially the first stanza.

[Sherry Thrasher]

What are (you) doing there, finger-spinning
that Maple leaf?

I think you may have meant the above. Smart writing, Mags.

Sherry

[Tina (Firefly)]

Pure poetry, Magpie. The scattered internal rhyme grabbed me and spun me like a maple leaf! Truly, this is flowing, beautiful, skilled work. It is rare that all three come together like this! My only (very slight) problem is the word "potencey." Yes, it fits your intention perfectly, but I'm stopped by the harsh sound inserted in that very ethereal first verse. How about "energy" or "power"? Regardless, this is a strong, touching poem. Excellent work. QLT

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

I like the back edge of night....very clear. Don't catch the full meaning of the poem.......

[MichaelFirewalker]

think potencey should be potency...

Mags----your potency is a glory to behold:
"There is no greed in full and separate.
Just self-acceptance. Consciousness.
Cold. Complete."

how hard you have worked to come to this place of full ownership of yourself----you have had to die and be reborn----congratulations on a war hard-won...

michael

[ramadevi]

I love how the poem spins on its axis...the italic mid-section containing my favorite phrase...

the word 'potency' does not bug me a bit. Wonderful.

No nits.

I think by now you must have a few paper bags full of kudos.

[johnnysaturn]

Great piece- the unexpected trajectory in the middle is just perfection. One small misgiving- the pairing of "sadness and grief" strikes me as redundant and maybe even a trifle hackneyed- could that line simply become "authority from grief"?

[David Nelson Bradsher]

I have to respectfully disagree with Johnny on "sadness and grief". I think there is a small difference, but enough of a difference to allow their coexistence in this piece.

[mfwilkie]

Grief and sadness are very different things, John.

Maybe sadness needs a clarifying modifier like step-child or something.

Am mulling.

Thanks all for taking a look at this.

Maggie

[Ron Buck (halfshell)]

I don't mind the pairing of sadness and grief as the relationship extends and clarifies the moment. And you make the same approach in full and separate. Which for me continues the path.

mighty fine.

tidings
ron