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Jan 12, 2008 18:08:23 GMT -5
Post by MichaelFirewalker on Jan 12, 2008 18:08:23 GMT -5
I AM the tiny
spark of light
inside my eye
this has always been
I AM fire
walking higher
birthing new
again again again
just to be with you
I AM many kinds
of beings over time
and you are too
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Jan 12, 2008 21:00:08 GMT -5
Post by johnnysaturn on Jan 12, 2008 21:00:08 GMT -5
Alcohol has stilled my eloquence so I will simply say admirable for now.
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Jan 13, 2008 14:32:10 GMT -5
Post by MichaelFirewalker on Jan 13, 2008 14:32:10 GMT -5
it is impossible to still your eloquence, my friend...
michael
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Jan 21, 2008 14:39:07 GMT -5
Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on Jan 21, 2008 14:39:07 GMT -5
I like this, Mick, like it a lot. What about: {As are we all.} as an alternative for the last line in the piece. Regardless, it's fine work. Ron
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Jan 21, 2008 14:42:32 GMT -5
Post by MichaelFirewalker on Jan 21, 2008 14:42:32 GMT -5
Ron----does "and you are too" seem too personal?----is that why it needs changing, do you think?
michael
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Jan 21, 2008 18:52:10 GMT -5
Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on Jan 21, 2008 18:52:10 GMT -5
To me, Mick, it sounds as if you're addressing a single individual, which you well might be. I think the alternative sounds more universal, but I've been wrong before. Lord knows I'm not a very good critic. LOL Ron
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Jan 21, 2008 19:07:09 GMT -5
Post by David Nelson Bradsher on Jan 21, 2008 19:07:09 GMT -5
Hey Mick. If you're looking to change the last line, how about "and so are you." ? I like this quite a bit.
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Jan 21, 2008 19:24:00 GMT -5
Post by MichaelFirewalker on Jan 21, 2008 19:24:00 GMT -5
David...I do like "and so are you", but don't want two lines ending in "you" that are so close together... I like the rhyme of "too" and "you"----but is it clumsy or something?
michael
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Jan 21, 2008 21:09:27 GMT -5
Post by David Nelson Bradsher on Jan 21, 2008 21:09:27 GMT -5
Mick, you're exactly right. I didn't notice that it was a repetition, and I agree with you.
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Jan 22, 2008 13:52:42 GMT -5
Post by MichaelFirewalker on Jan 22, 2008 13:52:42 GMT -5
thank you, David...I am glad...
michael
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Jan 22, 2008 13:58:03 GMT -5
Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on Jan 22, 2008 13:58:03 GMT -5
we am
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Jan 22, 2008 17:31:11 GMT -5
Post by MichaelFirewalker on Jan 22, 2008 17:31:11 GMT -5
dat be truuu, Jon...
michael
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Jan 22, 2008 17:46:47 GMT -5
Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Jan 22, 2008 17:46:47 GMT -5
I like, M. Like it alot.
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Jan 22, 2008 21:45:50 GMT -5
Post by MichaelFirewalker on Jan 22, 2008 21:45:50 GMT -5
hey JL!! ...cool...
michael
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Jan 23, 2008 11:04:47 GMT -5
Post by Tina (Firefly) on Jan 23, 2008 11:04:47 GMT -5
Wow. Michael, you have written eloquence in truth. Hard to do.. but not for you! This is wonderful and I am too. :+} Just like you!! Tina
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Jan 23, 2008 12:34:59 GMT -5
Post by MichaelFirewalker on Jan 23, 2008 12:34:59 GMT -5
Hey, Tina, that there review by you be a pretty good poem too!
michael
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