Night King (For Robinson Jeffers)

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

        Night King
(For Robinson Jeffers)

He is the blood of stars
dripping from shadowed branches,
          conceived in darkness
                    born into night
          woven into blackness
behind a flicker of lightning
and the drumming heartbeat of thunder.

A swivel of air turns between cat-like eyes
          and a weathered barn
lit by light filtering through rough planks
into his world of leaves and branches.
Miles across fenced pastures coyotes sing
the quarter moon to earth
          beneath his hooked feet,
and life ends in sudden descent of a crescent scythe
of razored talons from a godless sky
          swallowed whole in a lift of feathers
                    devouring the bones of the world,
wrapping his kingdom in the fur and flesh
of dying mice and rabbits.

[LynnDoiron]

and life ends in sudden descent the swipe of a crescent scythe

[Ron -- suggestions for change in the above come from I don't know where . . . or why ... but thought I'd leave them all the same. Guess I didn't want you getting off easy from me just because you're a little sick . . . Anyway, you'd loose the internal rhyming of descent and crescent but pick up on the long "i" sounds of swipe and scythe; plus, for me, the imagery of swipe with talon is sort of wild and "there" -- you know?]

of dying rabbits and mice.
[Again, no really good reason, but the sound is better for me with the swap in positioning of these critters.]

FINALLY, LET ME JUST ADD - - - I REALLY LIKE THIS POEM -- VERY FINE.

lynn

[MichaelFirewalker]

and all is as it should be
blessed Hawk

you who have allowed the powers
of Mother's life to flow along
the vibrant tip of your pen

your pen that streams from beak and wing
from running blood and aching pain

where talons sing your sharpened songs
of deadly lows and lively highs

and all the heights
of Mother's sky faithfully remain
yours to know and fly


with much love,
michael

[pelos]

I guess I'm a bit qoofy but I find the last 2 'the's unneccary - bringing
a tone more fitting to the rest of the poem - and as for the internal rythm
of "life ends in sudden descent of a crescent scythe
of razored talons from a godless sky" scyth and sky work very well with
descent and crescent - so like me said me goofy. Loved the imagery and
love the subject - those hunting feathered creatures of the night - love it. pelos

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

You have used some fine imagery and contrasts here, Ron.
Last seven lines are powerful....liked the coyotes singing the quarter moon to earth.

[antman]

This is good Ron and the title fits the work well.
I dunno, who Robison Jeffers is but this tribute is
very dark as I'm sure you intended it to be.
I like free verse and how you've presented this
in a finely written tribute.

"and life ends in sudden descent of a crescent scythe
of razored talons from a godless sky"

The two articales (of ) in so close proximaty of each other
make this a tad hard on the read as you also
use it at the coda too, I suggest...

and life ends in sudden descent of a crescent scythe
like razored talons from a godless sky

I really like the power of your poetic skill in this piece Ron.


Peace be to you my brother,
anthony

[mfwilkie]

I don't know, Cowboy,

I keep reading this and reading this and still have the urge to tell you to begin this more personally, starting with a title change,
Maybe just call it—

For Robinson Jeffers

And start it by saying something like:

I know him as /call him the Night King,
a monarch who rules the darkness;
his blood, the blood of stars.

I think you can lose the rest of the opening stanza; I think your point over-written.

Love this:

A swivel of air turns between cat-like eyes
and a weathered barn

Maggie

[ramadevi]

Maybe it is just my server, but most of the indented lines are having strange letters and symbols.., " &nsbsp ". Not sure why that is appearing but i am sure it is not in your original poem!

And what a vividly descriptive poem infused with the magic of earth-wisdom.
Wonderful style- voicing and phrasing. I do love your work.

Warm regards,
rama devi