|
Post by David Nelson Bradsher on May 3, 2008 22:04:22 GMT -5
The Derby is Today
The Derby is today. She’s attending with an old friend whose company has seats, hoping for something good—a happy ending— to mitigate a flurry of defeats.
The Derby is today. She joins the mass milling about the crowded mezzanine, mixing with members of the upper-class whose pageantry and hues enrich the scene.
The Derby is today. She looks the part, her new dress pretty and her big hat floppy, a throwback to a time that caught her heart: Capone; the Crash; Fitzgerald; the Jalopy.
The Derby is today. The bell is sounded. They’re off. She placed a bet on number nine, who has the lead until the pack has rounded the final turn towards the finish line.
The Derby was today. She lost again, and finished in the very back; just like her life—the second choice of men, too slow and plodding to outrace the pack.
|
|
|
Post by mfwilkie on May 3, 2008 22:18:05 GMT -5
Sad what happened there today.
You might reconsider this ending, D. It has her 'horsey' and I think it misses how you introduced her state of mind.
the second choice of men, too slow and plodding to outpace the past.
Her state of mind:
hoping for something good—a happy ending— to mitigate a flurry of defeats.
Mags
|
|
|
Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on May 4, 2008 12:38:20 GMT -5
Love lost in the allegory of the derby. Very well paced, David, and a winner at 10 to 1 odds. You bring sadness at every turn........With My humble respect and appreciation......Jon
|
|
|
Post by David Nelson Bradsher on May 4, 2008 17:10:06 GMT -5
Thank you, Mags. I'll have to think on that. I hadn't heard about Eight Belles until later and I may need to retrench this with that in mind.
Jon, I'm humbled and affected by your kind words. Thank you, sir.
David
|
|
|
Post by ramadevi on May 7, 2008 7:35:37 GMT -5
Ditto what Jon said! (sniffle...sniffle, sniff...)
hoping for something good—a happy ending— to mitigate a flurry of defeats
love this
,,,and the closing line, its alliteration and meaning. Bravo! Warm regards, rama devi
|
|