Self-Portait (First serious revision)

[mfwilkie]

I suffer from a belief in possibilities.
Scratch that. I admit to wild imaginings,
to wearing socks of arguable relationship
(today, chili pepper confronts the crimson tide.)

I'll even admit to soothing the blues while birds,
perched on pleached branchings, unwind morning
in languages I haven't mastered (though my enthusiastic
stab at Cardinal-speak has been known to ruffle

a few male feathers). And I like being on the warm side
of windows when the frenzy of snow becomes a study
in Dervish dance techniques one night then
settles itself into a Currier & Ives, eye and mind

offering, fit to print, the next; these are moments
when I weigh life on both sides of the glass.
I've hung the ocean on my ceiling with no fear
of drowning, or of time—my hand holds

a long life line.

[Tina (Firefly)]

Magpie... WOW. This one really struck me as it is so identifiable (for me!) and there are so many fantastic metaphors within. I particularly LOVE "my enthusiastic stab at Cardinal-speak has been known to ruffle a few male feathers"..I assume that's a double entandre, and it's right on! The very last line leaves me a little disappointed, though. It does not seem to quite live up to the rest of the piece, for me. It's a great poem. QLT

[LynnDoiron]

I like it, including end line.

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

I like the idea of this poem and many of the images...however, I feel it suffers from to much tell and not enough show...to much abstraction that make it seem a bit unfocused...

I much rather see it open like this (and continue as such):

I suffer from opening a paper mache door of my wild imagings.
No scratch that fantasy with a quarter and uncover that I
wear the dirty socks of too many ex and former friends.

or something like that to make your characterizations more tactile.

[mfwilkie]

This is still pretty basic, Leo, but I like your idea and made a note for its next revision.

Thanks

QLT, That's my favorite part of the poem!!!