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A widow
May 23, 2008 15:00:30 GMT -5
Post by mfwilkie on May 23, 2008 15:00:30 GMT -5
wants more than the arms of the moon to sleep with.
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A widow
May 23, 2008 16:18:33 GMT -5
Post by LeoVictorBriones (poetremains) on May 23, 2008 16:18:33 GMT -5
I think the title should just be Widow...the it would read
A widow
wants more than the arms of the moon.
Grief is an unnecessary and intrusive abstraction.
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A widow
May 23, 2008 19:17:21 GMT -5
Post by mfwilkie on May 23, 2008 19:17:21 GMT -5
By george, I think you've caught onto to these monostichs, Leo.  Good suggestion. Thanks. |
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A widow
May 24, 2008 12:14:07 GMT -5
Post by Sherry Thrasher on May 24, 2008 12:14:07 GMT -5
Mags, I think you could leave out to sleep with. Reads complete without it.
Sherry
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A widow
May 24, 2008 16:39:10 GMT -5
Post by Tina (Firefly) on May 24, 2008 16:39:10 GMT -5
Actually, Magpie, I agree with Sherry. I really like this. T.
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A widow
May 30, 2008 15:15:16 GMT -5
Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on May 30, 2008 15:15:16 GMT -5
I really like the title change, Maggie; Leo hit that dead solid perfect. I can see Tina and Sherry's idea too, but I like it better with "to sleep with", just personal preference on my part I suppose. Ron
P.S. I'm working hard on Dodge.
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Ken_Nye
EP 500 Posts Plus
EP Word Master and Published Member
Posts: 646
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A widow
May 31, 2008 21:28:10 GMT -5
Post by Ken_Nye on May 31, 2008 21:28:10 GMT -5
Mags, I'm with Sherry and Tina, but I think you've made your decision on that one because "to sleep witih" is still there.
Ken
This simple one line poem packs a heck of a punch.
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A widow
Jun 3, 2008 20:38:01 GMT -5
Post by LynnDoiron on Jun 3, 2008 20:38:01 GMT -5
A Widow
to sleep with wants more than the arms of the moon.
I'm with Ken, this simple one liner packs a heck of a punch!
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