|
Post by David Nelson Bradsher on May 25, 2008 9:44:36 GMT -5
Refrain If You Could Read My Mind (by Lightfoot) spun its monologue regrets; he tapped the beat out (with his right foot) and absorbed the weeping frets As Gordon crooned—immersed in feeling—with the feeling’s gone chagrin. Staring down shadows on the ceiling, he reset the song again to hear the lyrics: trite, bombastic; damn! the imagery was rife with scenes an artist, wildly drastic, might employ to sketch his life. He had identified completely with the sentiments he heard as they resounded, softly, sweetly, and he harbored every word with the expression of the jilted, and the posture of the proud, a fortress strong, assailed and tilted, yet defiant and unbowed. A ghost in chains, a movie actor, and a hero in a book, a catch of victim's common factor: failure and a rhythmic hook. He sat and sank into the madness, lost in melancholy rhyme, and played the song, obsessed with sadness, for the twenty-seventh time.
|
|
|
Post by mfwilkie on May 25, 2008 14:53:27 GMT -5
D,
Read this twice as is, and a couple of times with creative spacing.
I'm going to lay this out a bit differently than you have it.
I think it needs to slow down a bit
lost in melancholy rhyme sounds a bit like what a tale my thoughts could tell.
Mags
|
|
|
Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on May 30, 2008 15:26:18 GMT -5
I'm not too sure that Maggie doesn't have a good idea about spacing to slow the poem down a bit, but I wouldn't have a clue how to start and not screw up a lot of the good stuff here. I'm just pleased to see you working Gordon into the mix again. What a great song. Ron
|
|