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Post by LeoVictorBriones (poetremains) on May 26, 2008 15:29:17 GMT -5
On to the concrete floor my blood drips
to tiny mounds of wax. This wax has sealed
the packages of many deaths.
In dim brown envelopes that are older than fossils,
locked like expectation’s chastity belt,
are three pressed purple roses and a faded sepia letter
written many, many years ago—
the letter tells a fairy tale of a peasant boy denied his princess’ love.
To mourn, he went about the kingdom and distributed
seven-shiny seeds of justice to the poor.
The seeds were planted then grew to fields of yellow-eyed wheat.
Finally, when the people ate their bread
and paid tribute their peasant boy—
they found the valor to storm the castle walls.
Then on the throne of manifest royalty
the people placed the kings severed head.
Yet, when the boy called to her, his princess loved him no more.
Underneath
the dried roses and the fairy tale
hide many more wax-sealed envelopes.
They number nearly one-hundred million fold—
each reveals its own account of the barbarity of love.
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Post by mfwilkie on May 27, 2008 1:58:37 GMT -5
Leo,
After reading this, it's the fairytale that sticks in my mind.
And their's a chance for humor here.
I played with what I heard.
Mags
Once upon a time, a peasant boy,
denied his love in a writ from the king,
sowed seven fields of mournful retribution
disguised as wheat then fed the poor
who took said King's head (after their bread).
But the newly orphaned princess, free
to love at last, sealed her heart with grief
and swore she could love the boy no more.
Three purple roses and the latest Dear John
letter later, my nine lives, in search of bliss,
are over. And my trying? Done. Just count
me one more calsualty to barbarity of love
and bury me beneath unhappy endings—
carve my stone with: perserverance killed him.
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Post by purplejacket on May 27, 2008 15:08:55 GMT -5
What would you think of splitting it into 3 sections?
One about the drippy guy on the table.
One about the fairy tail.
A third that brings us back to Mr. Drippy, turning him into a framing device. Maybe put the part about his blood turning to wax at the end. I would also advise putting the S breaks between the sections. Possibly numbering them if it seems necessary, or doing extra big breaks, or a little symbol or something
~
between them.
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Post by Marion Poirier on May 27, 2008 16:33:36 GMT -5
Leo,
This reads like something dreamt-up in a nightmare-
or a really bad movie - makes no sense at all.
M
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