They Say the Seagulls Start Squawking at Six

[mfwilkie]

Churched in Sunday light
and the drummings of nuns
who should have married first,
I retain some virtues,

merits charged to climax,
to recover then hover
beneath a cape. Called on,
they weather the consequences

of involuntary reactions
that began with pennies
for the poor in an atmoshere
that never bought into

the idea of indifference
as a way of life. Mea culpa,
mea maxima culpa?
The Cardinal Sin among them.

[LynnDoiron]

Like it.
First thought was nix the comma after virtues so that the virtues were what was churched [great word]; then came the second thought: move L1 to L4 position and precede with a dash, as in:

Churched in Sunday light
and the drummings of nuns
who should've married first --
I have some virtues.

If rearranged thus, then the "They" opening next stanza is clearly about the virtues and not the nuns. (Although, there is a redeeming something about nuns charged to climax that I like quite a lot.)

For me, no connection between title and poem. But, as with the nuns, I am drawn to the squawking that nature herself must bring on, as with poets and words that will not be squelched, regardless of time of day or night.

[mfwilkie]

Chicky,

I like your suggestion for the opening.

Just finished fleshing it out.

Mugs

[LynnDoiron]

Arrived at an all together different place with the fleshing out. I liked the Modesty not among them ending on earlier draft. I like this, too. Am I to figure the Modesty that was missing in the earlier draft was a modesty in relationship to the mea culpa, that not only did you feel guilt for the shortcomings of humanity, but MORE guilt or fault was yours than any others, to the point of hubris over your mea culpa? Or, is this just a totally different end note ...

[LynnDoiron]

I think I miss They to open S2, too. Your language is always so very rich, I like those little spaces with plain brown pronouns ...