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Post by dmtimney on Jun 3, 2008 18:09:02 GMT -5
piecing together
past endeavors
delicate tissues
r-e-c-o-n-s-t-r-u-c-t-e-d
word by word
the heart of a poem
lost in the fire, beats
an abstract message
genesis revised
in the omnipotent hands
of a wiser mind
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Post by LynnDoiron on Jun 3, 2008 19:57:31 GMT -5
D -- wonderful to read your work again. This is one of those poems that needs some thought on my part to pull title and poem elements together. And this brief note is to say the heart of this poem makes my heart pulse a little harder -- I react to it -- just not sure exactly why . . . and I don't think the fault is in the writing!
lynn
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Post by mfwilkie on Jun 4, 2008 8:13:23 GMT -5
For me, it's the word, tissues, Donna.
If you make it issues, it ties into the title.
And I think line breaks helps the read if no punctuation is used.
piecing together
past endeavors
delicate issues
r-e-c-o-n-s-t-r-u-c-t-e-d
word by word (pain by pain?)
the heart of a poem
lost in the a fire,
can beat anew
I think the language in this last stanza should be less 'abstract' like the voice in the poem up to this point.
an abstract message
genesis revised
in the omnipotent hands
of a wiser mind
Maggie
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Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on Jun 4, 2008 17:11:16 GMT -5
I'm still thinking on this one; it may be eluding me, but I like the language, the voice and the feel of the work. There is a quality to it that compels the reader to question. I could be happy though with sound alone on this one. Ron
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Post by wavemaker9 (Rick D.) on Jun 4, 2008 23:18:14 GMT -5
Clever write Donna. It is what it says, like a mirror in a mirror. The last stanza is primal.
Rick
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