The Same Cloth

[David Nelson Bradsher]

We strolled through mist, on slatted planks that spanned
a field of sea oats waving at the beach
where, in the threadbare light, we mined the strand
for all the memories that we could carry,
affixing pulleys in our minds for each
to help retrieve what time, in time, would bury.

Acquainted with our faults, we still displayed
the consummate example of accord
between imperfect souls who, like a braid,
perfected harmony when joined together.
We shared a common rhythm as we toured,
determined—as a pair—to brave the weather.

Skimming the ocean on the hard-packed aisle
as breakers hemmed the shoreline, crashing near,
we would elude them (in three-legged style),
resume our cadence on the sloping sand,
and laugh at how, with distance, we'd appear
like paper cut-outs, stretched out, hand in hand.

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

I've always enjoyed this one, D. I love that image of paper cut-outs, always did. Don't know what changes you have made to it but I'm not real fond of how you are opening verse 3. It's the skim that is bothering me, moreso just the overall sound of skimming, doesn't work for my ear. Can you join those two verses with an and using just Skim?

Maybe just me too early on a Saturday morning and too long away from the art.

xoxox

[mfwilkie]

I like JL's suggestion of joining the stanzas with 'and'.

We strolled through mist, on slatted planks that spanned
a field of sea oats waving from the beach
where, in the threadbare light, we mined the strand
for all the memories that we could carry,
affixing pulleys in our minds for each
to help retrieve what time, in time, would bury.

Acquainted with our faults, we still displayed
the consummate example of accord
between imperfect souls who, like a braid,
perfected harmony when joined together.
We shared a common rhythm as we toured,
determined—as a pair—to brave the weather

and skim the ocean on the hard-packed aisle
as breakers hemmed the shoreline, crashing near,
we would elude them (in three-legged style),
resume our cadence on the sloping sand,
and laugh at how, with distance, we'd appear
like paper cut-outs, stretched out, hand in hand.

[brianedwards]

Yes, to the above edit - waving from, not to - and using and.

Nothing else to say, except, damn good.

B.

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Thank you, JL, Mags and Brian (welcome).

I've just, on advice from a friend, tried something different for kicks.

Aftermath

We strolled through rain and cold on planks that spanned
a field of sea oats waving to the beach
where, in the threadbare light, we searched the strand
for all the shells and memories we could carry,
a plastic bucket or a mind for each
to help retrieve what sand or time would bury.

The shells were scarce, although a thunderstorm
the night before had washed in chunks of fish,
pieces of driftwood larger than the norm,
and the sad truth of what is left behind
when silence follows violence with a wish
that coldly dies when nothing’s left to find.

[mfwilkie]

Much better ending in the new version.

There'a a big nit for me in the v5: The V refers to the collective we,. yet, in that line you have a bucket OR a mind for eack.
Wouldn't the 'we's each have a mind?

We strolled through rain and cold on planks that spanned
a field of sea oats waving to the beach
where, in the threadbare light, we searched the strand
for all the shells and memories we could carry,
a plastic bucket or a mind for each
to help retrieve what sand or time would bury.