Rain

[Sherry Thrasher]

brings thunder
on the wind.

Alone,

lightning finds me
seeking refuge
in a thousand shades of grey.

Oh God, I pray,
I pray for peace
and time,

more time to escape
my bible black darkness.

I hold fast to memories
washed in firelight;
exploding stars
fall against sky.
I sink into the rhythm of the sea.

My life,
once in infinite shades of green,
darkens as wisdom
wanders by,
shuffling feet,
calling my name,
ushering me home,

into evening's season of dust.

[LynnDoiron]

Okay -- I remember this from way, way back when! The bible-black is here from Alice KY lady days. I do miss her. Great challenges to play with. Anyway, to this one. Some things for you to think about:

Does rain "bring" thunder? Or follow thunder? Or neither one, but "is" there "with" thunder ... ?
Similar questions for 'on the wind' -- is on the wind merely poetic? or how thunder arrives?

Then, because I know this poem is from some years ago and answered a challenge with particular phrasings and/or words to be used -- I've gone through and cut -- a lot -- and left those parts that moved this reader. What I've left probably misses what you meant to say. So ignore! lynn

In darkness bible-black
lightning finds me,
illumimates a thousand shades of grey.

Oh God, I pray, I pray
for peace
for time
washed in firelight.

My life,
once shades of green,
wanders by,
and wisdom, shuffling feet,
calls me home.

[mfwilkie]

Sher,

I'd change the title and biff the stars, the sea, the firelight and the shuffling, and write this along one train of thought.

Notice the things we talked about in my messing (probably not where you were going at all): the internal
rhymes and the assonance, letting sound run a line before you enjamb. Also notice how I used frightening.

Mag

The threat

of rain often brought thunder with the wind
and its frightening would find me

holding fast to a past whose images
were edged in a healthy shade of green

until a blackness reduced the efforts of my life
to ten thousands tones of grey dissatisfaction

and dismay before I copped to the value of wisdom.

[Sherry Thrasher]

Thanks to you both. Lynn, I have been working on my first paper. I wrote on Denise Levertov's "In Mind." I would actually like to read more of her work. I am also writing my next paper on Ezra Pound. It has been a very busy weekend with kiddies and home improvement. I also have a couple of chapters to read and a quiz tomorrow. School is getting thick.

I will look into your coments on this poem. Thanks so much.

Sherry

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

I really like the images you conjure here, Sherry, and I think you've been given some good ideas to ponder and play with. I especially like the idea of "darkness, bible-black". Anyway you treat it there is much good here. Ron