The supposed art of controlling things

[brianedwards]

With the old Steenbeck familiar in your hands,
choose cutting room 4, where even the smells
tell stories. On entering, pull the hanging
cord twice for just the right light.

Sweep the floor for fear of tripping over ghosts
and left-behinds. Wear white gloves
and brush away from the edges. When mounting
the reels be careful

not to unspool our lives. Sharpen the china
marker that breaks up days. Check the splicer
is loaded with tape. Log every image
in your notebook memory. Label with times

places, dates. Wind slowly, note details. Pay
attention to missed glances. Descry
unanswered smiles. Transcribe every word
even those unsaid. Draw speech bubbles

on your storyboard. Diligently scan for hairs
and imperfections, small muddy footprints
on wooden floors. Cut things together in all
the right places. Build a narrative scene by scene.

Unveil your life’s work on a big screen in a darkened room.
Share my popcorn and tell me which part to play.

[Sherry Thrasher]

Brian, should this read:

check that the splicer is loaded with tape?

I do like this poem.

Sherry

[mfwilkie]

On a first read, Brian, I like this, particularly the last line.

I think Sher's catch is correct when you read it.

My only thought from the first read is you might consider using a few semi-colons.

Maggie

[LynnDoiron]

B -- I can read this with or without "that" -- with, seems proper/more correct, but less casual; even in casual-speak, I would use "that" but I know folks who don't and accept that as their way of speaking without a bump.

I like this poem, more so each time I come back to it. Two things (that aren't really bumps, just "things" for your consideration) -- One is the arrangement of opening features: the room, where even the smells tell stories -- these two features get separated by what the hands hold. One remedy is open with "With the old Steenbeck familiar in your hands, / choose cutting room 4, where even the smells / tell stories [etc.]

The suggestion is to break this line:
the right places. Build a narrative [here, and move scene by scene down to lead next line]

scene by scene. Unveil your life’s work
on a big screen in a darkened room.
Share my popcorn and tell me which part to play.

Again, I really like this poem. The above is just me meddling.

lynn

[brianedwards]

Thanks for the looks.

Grammatically, I think that line is correct, but even if it isn't standard English, I think I'm gonna keep it. I like that it's casual and I think the rhythm reads better. Try reading it in a Mancunian accent . . . there . . . better?

Great call on the first stanza too Lynnie. . . thinking on the other - it's rhyming that way (to my ear it is) and not sure it fits.

Cheers.

B.