Cadence (new title and edits for Between)

[Laura Stone]

Cadence

I think about the space
between words, like the quiet
found two-thirds of the way
through Barber’s Adagio for Strings:

the place where the composition
moves the music to sail off
a cliff and hover in silence
before the conductor
stills his hands.

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

I really like it when authors write what they know about and this is very clearly the case in this poem. To me the first stanza is perfect. However, I think the title and the second stanza could be stronger.

For the title, I might suggest Cadence, which I believe is Berber’s technique in the Adagio that you reference. It also has other layers of meaning that add to the intent of the poem.

In the second stanza, I think imagined cliff is way too telling. It sort of ruins the mystery of the imagination if you will. Simple solution is to just drop the word and be concrete so the readers will feel the abstraction for themselves.

Very nice poem, I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Here is my suggested re-write:

Cadence

I think about the space
between words, like the quiet
found two-thirds of the way
through Barber’s Adagio for Strings:

the place where the composition
moves the music to sail off
a cliff and hover in silence
before the conductor
stills his hands.

[LynnDoiron]

I like Leo's suggested change; there is something in the posted version that puzzles me about the conductor's hands and silence and Leo's suggestion clarifies that puzzle. A much enjoyed poem, nonetheless.

lynn

[mfwilkie]

A nice piece, Laura.

I agree with leo's suggestion, too.

Maggie

[Laura Stone]

Thank you Leo. I looked up a wide array of musical terminology and you are quite correct that this term certainly seems to catch the feel of this piece. I like you suggestions and have so used them. I appreciate it very much...

Laura

[brianedwards]

Like this version a lot Laura.

B.