Photo of the "Dancing Mermaids"

[LynnDoiron]

[revision - thanks, maggie AND piper]

Five mermaids dive from Whittaker’s Dock
in Wisconsin, part of a traveling act in suits not suitable
for everyday-Sunday women. Their timing
is off, sets of toes, pairs of feet – varied in how far
they’ve parted from planks, how near
their straightly-aimed arms are to the surface water.
No turning back for any in their men’s wool
suits split down the sides, re-laced to leave
two inches of thigh. Immodesty
is sin: sin of the naked, sin of the uncovered skin.
If they weren’t show folks, they’d be in jail,

but they are: travelers who live by trains
and will go. The photos by The Evening Wisconsin
photographer highlight the quickness
of the Grayflex to capture these five mid-air,
daring to dive in the open wearing men’s apparel.

In Boston, a woman did jail time for less. We are well
into the water now,
well in,
over our heads,
and naked.

And naked
is good.




There are five mermaids diving from Whittaker’s Dock
in Wisconsin, part of a traveling act in suits not suitable
for regular, everyday, Sunday women. Their timing
is off, sets of toes, pairs of feet – varied in how far
they’ve parted from planks, how near
their straightly-aimed arms are to the surface water.
No turning back for any in their men’s wool
suits split down the sides, re-laced to leave
two inches of thigh, sinner skin. Immodesty
is sin: sin of the naked, sin of the uncovered skin.
If they weren’t show folks, they’d be in jail,
but they are: travelers who live by trains
and will go. The photos are by The Evening Wisconsin
Staff Photographer and highlights the quickness
of the Grayflex (in the caption) to capture these women
daring to dive wearing men’s suits in mid-air. In Boston,
a woman did jail time for less. We are well into the water
now, well in, over our heads, and naked. And naked
is good.

[LynnDoiron]

I tried, unsuccessfully, to put the photo in the poem thread. This is the link to the picture I used to detail the poem and a moment in time:

www.gather.com/viewImage.jsp?fileId=3096224744769276&nav=Publish&memberId=94689

[sandpiper]

here's the pic for ya....
-piper

[LynnDoiron]

piper -- I tried to locate the directions on how to insert an image, but couldn't remember just who had shared that info . . . Am so happy to see you did this for me! Thanks! [Wish I had a date on this photo: I think it's from the twenties, but it may be from the teens. A record-breaking Australian woman did go to jail in Boston for wearing a man's one piece suit. How times of changed !! Not all for the good, but, wow . . .] Thanks, again, for putting the photo in. lynn

p.s. I found the PM with Piper's Tutorial for Adding Images and moved the photo up - - - YOU ARE THE BEST TUTOR ever! Thanks again.

[mfwilkie]

Chicky,

Have made some suggestions for flow.

In the last stanza, the last line, I want something a bit more profound on women in a stand alone line. I put in a quick thought.
Using 'closed' to to suggest clothed or you could just use clothed.

Mugs

There are

Five mermaids dive ing from Whittaker’s Dock in Wisconsin,
part of a traveling act in suits not suitable
for regular, everyday Sunday women. Their timing
is off, sets of toes, pairs of feet–varied in how far
they’ve parted from planks, how near to the surface
water their straightly-aimed arms are.
No turning back for any in their men’s wool
suits split down the sides, re-laced to leave

two inches of thigh, sinner skin. Immodesty
is sin: sin of the naked, sin of the uncovered skin.
If they weren’t show folks, they’d be in jail,
but they are jailed: travelers performers who live by need trains

and will go. The photos are by The Evening Wisconsin
Staff Photographer and highlights the quickness
of the Grayflex (in the caption) to capture these women
daring to dive in mid- in the open wearing men’s suits.
In Boston, a woman did jail time for less. We are well into the water now, well in, over our heads and still exposed

to the closed/clothed minds of men.

[LynnDoiron]

mugs -- I used some of your suggestions; they made for a stronger opening stanza. Could not quite bring myself to change ideas in stanzas that followed however. Performers, back then, had "adventure" compared to women who were otherwise stuck with ovens and washer tubs and armloads of children. So, I don't think of them as jailed in the sense that they lived by "need" -- although that may have been true for some, for some others it was their get out of jail free card, know what I mean? And, as to the minds of men bit suggested for end line . . . it was women, the everyday sunday women, who had the biggest problem with "sin" of any nature, whether strong drink, tobacco, or skin . . . For me, for my hoped message, the idea that naked is good is what I want to get across to anyone who'll listen. Naked is nature and nature is good -- not even a cousin of "sin"

[mfwilkie]

I know what you're saying about the women, chicky, but those strictures came from men the way I see history of moralism played out.

Mugs

[sandpiper]

Yes, naked is good.
First off, forgive me, I'm a little out of practice with commenting so take everything I say with that in mind.

I like Maggie's suggestion of the "in the open wearing men's suits". as opposed to "wearing mens suits in mid air". It plays more off the sin, and works well, imo.

The only bumpy spot for me was the sin repetition line, although it sounds great on the ear, and gets the point across, it felt a little overkill for me. But, as always, that's just me. Other than that, no issues. I like this one.
-piper

[LynnDoiron]

Made a couple more edits. Took out some excess of sin; only one, but it's a start.

Couldn't possibly agree with you more than I do, mugs, re: the role of men in the issue of morals: they wrote all the books, made the calls, shaped what was once matriarchal socieities into patriarchal, took over the lands, made women chattel. Nope. You will get no argument from me on that score. It's just not what I want the focus of this poem to be. So, I guess what I need is help in directing it away from that course of thinking, if that's where the current poem leads you.

[sandpiper]

like the changes and the breaks...

[LynnDoiron]

Thanks. You've been a great help on this.

[mfwilkie]

Glad we had a chance to talk about the poem's direction, Lynn.

Goes to show what a reader's mind picks up on. The lines below brought me to images of eyes peering out of the slit in a burka.

Immodesty
is sin: sin of the naked, sin of the uncovered skin.

Later.

[LynnDoiron]

Yes -- easy to see how the mind goes to the image of burkas. But, a hundred years ago and still today in many neighborhoods, the notion that immodesty is sin fits american culture. I was brought up on the virtue of modesty; everyone I knew was brought up the same, despite what church they might attend. The burkas are the extremes of the same mind sets, at least to my way of thinking. Skin is not the sin; the sin [not something I buy either] is in the thoughts toward it. Didn't mean to go on and on. Never do. ah well. c.b.b.