Throw-Away Blue

[Tina (Firefly)]

How many times have I reached for that dress,
way back at the end of the closet, dancing so close
to the wall, crammed against the cashmere sweater,
hanging with a blue shred of dignity, like an elderly
aunt who holds up her sagging chin to try
and smooth out the wrinkles.

Men have loved me in that frock--Brad, for instance,
once twirled me on the marble floor of a New York
penthouse -- twirled and twirled me to a samba beat,
all the while whispering darkness in my burning ears.

Shane requested I wear it to meet his father -
"he'll notice your style and find you fetching,"
he said, and he was right. His Dad hugged me
much too long. Much much too long.

I stopped wearing it after Sam spilled the wine
along with a goblet full of lies down the front
of the low-cut satin decollete. I thought I did well
to erase the stain. Only a tiny shadow remains.

It's time to turn it over to GoodWill.

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

Sorry, but I fell in love with the dance metaphor. Here's my suggested expansion of that theme:

Throw away blues

How many times have I reached for that gown,
way back at the end of the closet. The one that waltzes
so close to the wall, fox-trots against the cashmere sweater,
swings with a blue shred of dignity, like an elderly
aunt who twists her sagging chin to try
and tap dance around the wrinkles.

Men have loved me in that taffeta dress—
Brad, for instance, once twirled me on the marble floor
of a New York penthouse—twirled and twirled me like a ballerina,
all the while whispering Tchaikovsky in my burning ear.

Shane requested I wear it to meet his father —
"He'll notice your style and find you fetching,"
he said, and he was right. His Dad hugged me
like a slow dance and too, too long.

I stopped wearing it after Sam spilled the wine
along with a goblet full of lies down the front
of the low-cut satin décolleté. I thought I did well
to erase the stain. Only a tiny shadow remains.

Now, I’m convinced,
it's time for the next dance.

[brianedwards]

Loved this!

One nit : whispering darkness in my burning ears - this felt a bit OTT.

Thanks for a great read.

B.

[Sherry Thrasher]

This is so witty and I love Leo's idea of extending the theme. I've missed you around here. I hope you are doing well.

Sherry

[mfwilkie]

T,

Thinking about this after a few reads, what if you personified the dress and let her/it do the speaking, the recalling of memories,
Taking out the names of the specific men, you could just describe them, giving you an opportunity for more imagery.

I was thinking, too, with the hand reaching for her, she could
consider her fate on the occasion of leaving the closet again.


Magpie

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Great offereing, T. Leo's idea is fine, but not necessarily needed....I think it stands well as is.
One suggestion.....In S3, to echo the length of the hug..

Much...much too long.
Take or leave.

Fine piece, once again.....

[Tina (Firefly)]

You guys are just fantastic..no kidding!! I like the way each of you took it to a slightly different place and intention and I will work on it (with your comments in mind) and see where it all leads. Thanks for your time and interest. I have been away so much this Spring and have been involved with many different projects (like this week I'm teaching Vacation Bible School...can ya believe it??) so I have not given nearly as much attention to my poetry as I would like to. Hopefully, I can now begin to concentrate again as the summer lies before me in great anticipation (and SC humidity>) Love ya all, Tina

[purplejacket]

Nice writing. I like Leo's dancing, but also agree with Jon. I wouldn't want to lose the aunt's wrinkles, which I think stand better as they are now.

How about rearranging the end a bit?

of the low-cut satin decollete. I thought I did well
to erase the stain. Hanging now on a GoodWill rack,
only a tiny shadow remains.

It may need a bit more fenaggling to make it work, but you get the idea.

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

Hello, my Southern belle; this is a keeper, a winner, regardless of what tact you choose. I admit I love Maggie's idea of letting the dress speak, but your voice will carry this well in any direction. Ron