Herd Not Seen

[wavemaker9 (Rick D.)]

I enter our front door
left wide open,
to start the daily
gathering of miscellany
ceremonially dumped during
their morph
from student to kids
otherwise involved.

Obscure evidentiary track,
to the untrained rancher,
but the scattered droppings do
reveal a rapid molt
and stampeding bolt
from the scholastic prods,
squeeze chutes,
feed fences,
and cattle gates
required to round up
and lasso
their bull-headed skill
to daydream attentively.

‘Kitchen’s left untidy,
they pigged out.

‘Trash can’s mighty full,
they pigged significantly,
and the clothes trails tell me
they’re half damn naked
while I,
(momentarily reflecting
on my age of rebellion,
do respect such flair to project
such wanton neglect
and secretly wish they’d
waited for me),
grin mumbling
theirassisgrasswhentheygethome

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Good allegory, Rick. I believe many can relate to this scenario.
I questioned the use of "metamorphosis" and might use "morph" instead, implying a more rapid change.

"...ceremonially dumped as
they morph from students to kids........"

What do you think about using parenthesis in the last stanza... "while I
(momentarily reflecting
on my age of rebellion,
do respect such flair to project
such wanton neglect
and secretly wish they'd
waited for me,)
grin mumbling
theirassisgrasswhentheygethome."

gives greater separation and easier assimilation.

[wavemaker9 (Rick D.)]

Thanks Jon, perfect advice. I was having a hard time with that mental pause.

[MichaelFirewalker]

O this is hilarious!----all that pissed-off, laughing love tumbling down the page----those are damned lucky kids!

love the line "Obscure evidentiary track"----such a scholarly description of such a smashing mess...

love the round-up references, skillfully rendered, and not overdone, just funny....

love them getting away with a triumphant "half damn naked" while you trudge through the adolescent rebellion...

adore that brave last line.....................you wish...


michael

[sandpiper]

That half damn naked is so funny in this, everytime I read it I laugh. it's unexpected, and just so true.

The only thing that hit me as off was the ending line. It's fine... but, while reading I had assumed they were in their rooms somewhere, or at least still in the house... came home made the messes as they dropped all their junk. and went about their business. (possibly somewhere earlier in the write possibly right where the door was left wide open. maybe add a bit of the barn door left wide open after they've left. or adding the word empty somewhere... you know what I mean. but, either way is fine. that's just where my hitch was.

well done! a complete picture of life with munchkins. gotta love 'em...

[antman]

Rick I agree with Jon, this is a great allegory
and as ususal made me smile at its wit.
Love the ingenious last line!


Peace my brother,
anthony

[Tina (Firefly)]

You are the Comedy King, my friend. You left me laughing all the way, but you always include that stroooonnngg undertow of truth. Love it. Tina