On Freedom

[Ken_Nye]

Note: I wrote and posted this poem last July (it got 1 review) but, I was so moved by last night's events, what will be probably be the most important and historic election in my lifetime, I was moved to post it again. Please don't feel that you have to write a review or even make a comment. I just want to share it. (I know I haven't been around much to do my fair share of reviewing, but I hope somebody stops in to read this.)

Ken

A new note: Well,I posted this Tuesday night (early Wednesday morning) when I was flushed with the election results and by the eloquence of Barack Obama's victory speech and the exuberance in Grant Park and the country and the world. There seemed to be a good reason to post this poem then. It's now Thusday. The connection between the reason for posting this poem (that I don't seeme to be able to get anybody tto read) and the poem itself is fading.
I guess I'll leave it up a while longer.

If anyone does stop in to just read the poem, would you leave a brief note to let me know that someone has, in fact, read it? I'd appreciate that.



ON FREEDOM

We are the dreams of the founders of freedom --
of John Adams, Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin,
Madison, Hamilton, Samuel Adams.

It is we they envisioned
in town halls and court houses,
from humble hamlets
to citadels of power --
Philadelphia, Richmond, Boston, New York,
common citizens working for the common good,
not arrogant aristocracy
pursuing privilege and ignoring principle.

We are the people of whom Lincoln spoke on
the killing fields of Gettysburg,
restating for the ages that those who govern
and those who are governed are one and the same.

We are descendants of martyrs for freedom --
of Elijah Lovejoy,
killed by a mob
when he dared print the truth;
of Malcolm X, who offended the powerful
by praising his heritage and
proclaiming his faith.

The torch of freedom,
lit by revolution and fed by
threats from tyrants,
that shines on the rights and liberties
of a free people,
is ours now to carry.
We can dim the torch in fear
as we confront the darkness of terror.

Or we can follow the faith and courage
of those who lit the torch
and truly light the world.

[brianedwards]

Very moving and spirited Ken, thank you. I'm not American, but I too was incredibly moved by the events of Nov 4th - a truly hsitoric moment.
Couple of points for tightening this, ignore at will.

of Malcolm X, who offended the powerful
with by praising his heritage, and
proclaiming his faith.

The torch of freedom,
lit by revolution and fed by
threats from tyrants,
that shines on the rights and liberties
of a free people,
is ours now to carry.


Best,
B.

[LynnDoiron]

Ken -- I've read this poem a few times over the past days and I've been hesitant to comment because what I would offer would be a bit drastic and perhaps more critical than you'd care to read. And that would go against my respect for you as a poet, a friend, an American with something to say. On the other hand, I read a comment you left on another poem and the request seemed to be there for feedback on this one, so . . . so, please use what suits you, your voice, your intent for the piece and ignore what I think might suit me as a reader.

That said, the way this poem comes at me is too didactic in that it tells me what I think as an American. I am an American, and I am a part of the "we", but I'm a stubborn American, and I like to say what I think or feel or how I react for myself --- Or, come at, or upon, a conclusion for myself. What I'd like to have happen in this work is for all of the elements to remain, but remove the heavy hand, or foot, of patriotism so that I can feel that patriotism rise up out of the images the poem offers. What follows is a reflection of that bias on my part. I hope you will take what you want from it, ignore the rest, and still understand the deep respect I hold for you as a poet and writer.

ON FREEDOM

We are the dreams of the founders of freedom --
of John Adams, Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin,
Madison, Hamilton, Samuel Adams
and others in long coats and wigs
It is we they envisioned common citizens
in town halls and court houses,
from [humble hamlets omit and replace with 2-3 small town names]
to citadels of power --
to Philadelphia, Richmond, Boston, New York,
common citizens working for the common good, [or leave in common citizens for the repeat effect]
not arrogant aristocracy
pursuing privilege and ignoring principle.

We areI believe the people of whom Lincoln spoke on
the killing fields of Gettysburg,
restating for the ages that those who govern
and those who are governed are one and the same --
I believe those people are us,
We are descendants of martyrs for freedom:
of Elijah Lovejoy,
killed by a mob
for printingthe truth;
of Malcolm X, who offended the powerful
byfor praising his heritage and proclaiming his faith.

I believe freedom,
lit by revolution and fed by
threats from tyrants,
that shines with liberty's light,
of a free people, a light that is ours now to carry.
We can dim the torch in fear
as we confront the darkness of terror.
Or we can follow the faith and courage
of those who lit the torch
and truly light the world.

My hope, Ken, is that somewhere between these awful cuts and tweaks of mine, you will/may find a middle way that is yours. Apologies beforehand if I have offended in any way.

With greatest respect,
lynn

[Ken_Nye]

Lynne, you would/could never offend me. I am flattered you took time to review this poem. But I have to tell you that you dropped from your version of the poem the line I was so proud of: "We are the dreams of the founders of freedom." I rarely work with a regular rhythm and to begin this poem with such a definite meter just thrilled me to no end. I had really impressed myself. Actually, it was that first line that came to me in church and upon which I based the rest of the poem. So I will hold your suggestions and ponder them for a while.

(I would love to hear what you had to say about "Mid-November.)

I Will tell you,Lynne, (I've kind of told Mag) that I won't be posting on EP any more. With my Parkinson's, I just can't keep up with the expectations on this site. I've been trying to maintain a presence on both EP and on Jim Furber's site, and I am doing neither one justice. Because I am so far behind on my reviewing, I don't get many reviews here any more and I don't blame the people for ignoring me. So I'm going to post in the future on Jim's site.

I'll probably stop in here every once in a while. I fully expect to see your books on the bookshelves of Maine bookstores. You are good.

ƒondly,
Ken

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

Ken, as always, I find very little to do with this. I love the idea of adding the small town names as Lynn suggests, and I can see her thoughts in the "I believe..." lines. They're not bad, but I think it does step too far away from your own original intent.

I hope you rally strength and still manage an occasional post here. I know it's demanding, and don't want you to push the limits too much. I will catch you on tjmf. I don't think you should worry about your reviewing; I'm terrible at it myself. Most understand the limits you're forced to deal with. Do what you can when you can, my good friend. Ron