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Post by LeoVictorBriones (poetremains) on Nov 4, 2008 16:46:06 GMT -5
to President Elect Barack Obama (Election Day November 4, 2008)
In a time of hope
nothing else matters
but a red, white and blue sunset
that sustains the amber Kansas plain
and Grandma on her way home.
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Post by Marion Poirier on Nov 4, 2008 17:06:25 GMT -5
Very nice poem, Leo. It is sad that his grandmother died
the day before the election - I believe her spirit is with him.
Marion
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Post by sandpiper on Nov 4, 2008 17:12:24 GMT -5
I've been marveling at it all day, the timing....
I'm not fond of "slopping" here. Did you mean "slopping" or "sloping"? I'd prefer sloping.
and double check "Barack"...
well said otherwise.
-piper
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Post by ramadevi on Nov 5, 2008 8:02:07 GMT -5
What a perfect presidential-welcome poem!
I loved this.
Very nice tone, capturing the mixed nuances of new hope and recent loss.
Great Brevity.
Wish he could read this!
Warm regards,
rama devi
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Ken_Nye
EP 500 Posts Plus
EP Word Master and Published Member
Posts: 646
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Post by Ken_Nye on Nov 5, 2008 11:09:32 GMT -5
Leo, we're on the same wave length, (which is unusual, because most of the time we aren't). This is lovely. It was quite a night, wasn't it? I love the title. I especially like your bringing Grandma into this.
Ken
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Post by Tina (Firefly) on Nov 5, 2008 12:08:56 GMT -5
Love the elegance and simplicity (yet profundity) of this poem. Very much like the man elected. Sp.check on Barack. It's a day we'll all remember. God Bless our new president and his family.
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Post by LynnDoiron on Nov 5, 2008 12:34:19 GMT -5
Ditto to what Tina [and others] have offered in praise on this one, Leo.
The one possibly awkward area for me in the read is with "parting"
In a time of hope
nothing else matters
but a red, white and blue sunset
parting the amber Kansas plain
and Grandma on her way home.
Awkward because Grandma seems to be parted as well as the Kansas plain. What would think about using "across" to replace "parting" -- ?
In a time of hope
nothing else matters
but a red, white and blue sunset
across the amber Kansas plain
and Grandma on her way home.
Just a thought.
lynn
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Post by purplejacket on Nov 5, 2008 19:44:50 GMT -5
 walking around today, I saw lots of smiling people. I don't know if people are always so smiley, but today happiness stood out. It was like we all had a waking moment in common. |
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Post by PantheUs on Nov 5, 2008 21:46:16 GMT -5
opposite our eyes
i read
the last 2 lines
take us back to where we came
and the other
wher we'r going
a work of art
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Post by brianedwards on Nov 6, 2008 1:39:47 GMT -5
Nice Leo. And what a wonderful result! I'm so happy for America, for the world. The right man, at last the right man. . . .
B.
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Post by wavemaker9 (Rick D.) on Nov 6, 2008 10:47:54 GMT -5
My tongue's bleeding.
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Post by LeoVictorBriones (poetremains) on Nov 6, 2008 13:54:55 GMT -5
Wave, You obviously need some Obama juice. Heals everything!
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Post by mfwilkie on Nov 7, 2008 3:50:00 GMT -5
Leo,
Nice piece.
One thought: the last line loses the fliud read of the other verses.
What about saying it a bit differently?
In a time of hope
nothing else matters
but a red, white and blue sunset
that sustains the amber Kansas plain,
a grandmother heading home.
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Post by bulerias on Nov 7, 2008 14:35:35 GMT -5
BRAVO !! VIVA OBAMA
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Post by wavemaker9 (Rick D.) on Nov 7, 2008 21:11:52 GMT -5
Leo, I need what he needs, time.
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