Forever Naught

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

Trying to give my muse a jump start, there is a contest on FS that I wrote this for had to use the words black king, red queen, white knight, silver prince, pink princess and tarnished lady. Can't have any contractions and must have a set rhyme scheme.


If fairy tales were real and life was fantasy
a white knight, on a gallant steed, would always cherish me.
But life is not that way, no silver prince to wed,
just nights of how I wish it was upon this lonely bed

where nightmares rule my mind, dark memories of the past,
a black king who was led by greed, his violent ways held fast
until the day I fled his tyranny and hate.
How did that lovely pink princess fall prey to such a mate?

For now, the world has changed, no iron fist to fear,
yet here aloneness dwells inside, I pray for love to near.
I long to be that red queen, forever valentine,
for one who has a noble heart to intertwine with mine.

Alas, this tarnished lady, has naught but loathsome dreams,
for life has played its wicked games, fulfilled its daunting schemes.

[mfwilkie]

Thinking here, JL.

How you be?

Maggie

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

Hanging in, Mag. Hope you are doing well.

[mfwilkie]

A quick thought on the couplet, JL.

Alas, this tarnished lady has dreams naught but loathsome dreams, - No comma after lady.

for while/as life deals time in wicked games, fulfills its daunting schemes.

Mags

[GD Martin]

JL, I was glad to see a sonnet about unrequited love;
This type of poem is in my neighborhood. You have been very kind in the past to have read and commented on my poetry. I am attempting now to repay the debt. _GD

I have proposed slight changes on lines 11, 13 &14:


If fairy tales were real and life was fantasy
a white knight, on a gallant steed, would always cherish me.
But life is not that way, no silver prince to wed,
just nights of how I wish it was upon this lonely bed

where nightmares rule my mind, dark memories of the past,
a black king who was led by greed, his violent ways held fast
until the day I fled his tyranny and hate.
How did that lovely pink princess fall prey to such a mate?

For now, the world has changed, no iron fist to fear,
yet here aloneness dwells inside, I pray for love to near.
I would that red queen be, forever valentine,
for one who has a noble heart to intertwine with mine.

Alas, this tarnished dame has naught but wistful, unfilled dreams,
for life has played its gloomy games, fulfilled its wicked schemes.

[mfwilkie]

JL,

What if you did this in strict IP?


For now, the world has changed, no iron fist to fear,
yet here aloneness dwells inside, I pray for love to near.


The world has changed and I've no fist to fear,
and when alone I pray for love to near—
one noble heart to intertwine with mine—
one red queen, one forever valentine.

I think the IP will help edit out excess words and free you up some.

Maggie

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

I kind of like this mixed meter on this one, truthfully I think editing down to strict IP would destroy the story, but I'll take a look at it. Thank you both for your suggestions.