Sexton

[syzygy73]

Pale eyes, moons
reflecting reality closed like a fist.
An angry fist opening and
clenching, creaking.
She pushes her soul from her mouth
then sucks it back in like a lamprey-
a mouth making a horrible O,
a heartbeat, a fist opening and closing,
a rage from a bad prison
roaring into the night of Jamacia Plains
then settling into a giggle
as Sylvia Plath's ghost shakes her head
and wonders what might have been.

[mfwilkie]

Rob,

I keep reading this and reading this and outside of its last two verses re: Plath's ghost, which I think are terrific, its intent isn't working for me. Iy strikes me as all tell.


This is just a suggestion, but I think you might come at Sexton's mental state using your closing image as your opening and maybe killing two birds with one pen.


Plath's ghost shakes her head and wonders
what might have been if the two of them
hadn't given in to their demons.

It's a a much more interesting opening line and I think it would help to focus the intent of the poem.

Maggie

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

I've been thinking about this one for awhile, Rob. It doesn't strike me as too much tell, but something in the language seems to need a tinker. Here's a couple of ideas which most likely won't work with your voice, but it's a shot. Still love the concept of a series. Ron

Her big Pale eyes, moons
reflecting a reality closed up like a fist.
An angry fist opening and
disappearing, clenching{,} and creaking.
She pushes her soul from her mouth
then sucks it back in like a lamprey-
a mouth making a horrible O,
a heartbeat, a fist opening and closing,
a in prison rage from a bad prison
roaring into the night of Jamacia Plains
then settling into a giggle
as Sylvia Plath's ghost shakes her head
and wonders what might have been.

[syzygy73]

I like it Ron...I do I do...here, when are you going to write your series on the great U.S. poets? The civil war poets???