A Dialogue with Grief

[syzygy73]

Where there are no words,
only the ratchett-click of the heart,
a dialogue with grief
emerges in black coats and
a fine-furze of raindrops.

They would leave the body
in view for the living to
raise a glass, share a story,
or elbow and nudge an echo
from his youth,

'He was some man for the women!'

with chuckles and guffaws
that swiftly turned solemn when
his widow passed,
her eyes puffy and raw.

The Mores of the time bent towards
visible lamenting and colour-coded
badges of obvious loss-
A sign that all was not well and that
it was normal to grieve.

They still do this in places where
communities mean everyone,
where Donne's words ring true,
and expressions of anger at
the unfairness of it all are howled.

But in our world
where self-help books tell us we
can achieve anything,
where the sanitising of loss
from public oratory
withholds everything
for fear of seeming weak,
grief can become
a monologue.

[MichaelFirewalker]

content:
the subject, grief over death, is a strong one----I was able to feel as though I were actually there at the man's funeral, with the black coats and raindrops, the inappropriate comments, the overt grieving----and then I grieved again with the truth presented at the end regarding how ridiculous and disconnected from ourselves we have become, with our self-help books, and our unhealthy refusal to express our own real emotions publicly, for fear of disapproval / loss of face...

technical:
think the poem could use tightening up by removing about 20% of the words----it's too loosey-goosey, and would come off as much more powerful if you reigned it in...

also, maybe it would be a smoother prose poem----the way you have lain down these lines comes off as a bit jerky----try it and see what you think...

your images, however, are wonderful, even memorable, especially the insensitive good-old boys and their guffawed " ''He was some man for the women!' "----I like the way you showcased that line all by itself...

in S7-L4, the word sanitizing, is mispelled...


hugs,
michael

[Ken_Nye]

This is a wonderful, thought provoking piece. I love the contrasting of the "old" way of grieving, "where communityi meant everyone," with the modern sanitized version. I alsos think the juxtapositioning of dialogue and monologuei is a great way to frame the issue.

Very well done.

Ken

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Hi Ron. I need more time with this one. Love the images and ideas, but I'll have to come back when I can delve deeper. Just wanted to announce my interest and intentions, my friend. Good to see you back.

David

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

I like the voice a lot, Rob. My first read left only a couple of typos to be fixed, the sanitizing spelling may be European for all I know and stanza5, line 1 "is" should be {in} right?
I'll be back for more indepth reads later, just had to let you know I enjoyed round one with it. Ron

[syzygy73]

Thanks for the heads-up folks...I tidied up the typos and did a wee bit of editing. We spell things differently over here- no 'z' for us where an 's' will do...