At 3am

[dmtimney]

At 3am
can't sleep
again
nothing new
there are no more
stars, just clouds
so I flip through
channels, infomercials
can't decide
between rock ballads
or Oreck vacs
maybe
Pat Robertson
can sell me
religion
in five easy payments
conversion declined
what the hell
so I channel down
to Marshall Dillon
not to be
confused
with Matt
who I would do
after Talking
With Sue
were I better
rested
back up two
morality
on the prairie
Michael Landon
who quite possibly
died with more
hair than most
men
will ever see
in this life
I wonder
what they do
back at the
Ponderosa
when there's
nothing new
again
can't sleep
at 3am

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

I like that alot. Hope you are well, D, outside of the insomnia anyway. You should call me when you can't sleep, probably awake right with you. Think I would open that with just 3am drop the at and maybe use it's 3 am in the close. Just a thought works anyway you look at it. Very well done.

[mfwilkie]

A very good stream of c, Donna.


back up two* Did you mean 'to' here?
morality
on the prairie

I was thinking that you might want to inject and 'I' in those lines and say something like:

I scroll back
to morality
on the plains

I was thinking, too, that some space breaks might be used in a few places to kind of mimic the sighing we do when there's nothing on tv to distract from not being able to sleep. Especially in this section:

(sb)
maybe
Pat Robertson
can sell me
religion
in five easy payments
(sb)
(conversion declined)
(sb)

Later, Mags

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

I agree nice strean of consciousness flow, and I also think the breaks wouldn't negatively effect this. They could offer those natural sighs as pauses effect. Regardless, I kie it, Donna. Ron