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Post by mfwilkie on Jan 10, 2009 22:13:49 GMT -5
One more glass of mind, she said,
and I'll be over the edge of myself,
completely undone by metaphor
and the fragile veneer of purpose.
Two volumes of stone sit side by side
on the shelf, preserved by their long
attachments to life, their differences,
their sameness. Mostly their differences.
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Post by Timothy Juhl on Jan 11, 2009 9:44:17 GMT -5
Okay Maggie, I'm starting to pick up your voice, definitely finding your wryness in closing lines, and it's that last line here that strikes me most. The period in the middle of line is asking the reader to pay attention and then comes the quick endnote.
I'm not so sure of the title, and because I reread the poem looking for the inspiration/metaphor and still wasn't sure, I looked to the title for direction and the title here makes me think of a typewriter (and yes, that is showing my age and I do remember adaptors for 45s).
I also loved the opening...'One more glass of mind, she said,' and it leads right into Line 2 beautifully. The last two lines of V1 is where I get mired in the meaning.
I'm still waiting to figure out your poetic fetishes.
Tim
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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Jan 11, 2009 12:18:04 GMT -5
I see a typewriter as well with that title. Have to wonder if it is undone that throws off line 3 and 4 as to purpose and I can't help but wonder if Volumes needs to be something more related to the glass of mind. You do have such a way with words, mags.
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Post by mfwilkie on Jan 12, 2009 15:09:59 GMT -5
Completely is so the wrong word there, you guys, and reading this again to day, I asked myself what the hell mataphor are you
speaking of poet?
The title works for me like the backwards and forwards of the Paper Bag Poem you read, Tim.
Thought I could carry it off in the title because the stanzas turn
so far away from one another.
Thinking on this.
Mags
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Post by mfwilkie on Jan 12, 2009 15:13:07 GMT -5
How does
undone by the fragile metaphor of purpose
strike you guys?
One more glass of mind, she said,
and I'll be over the edge of myself,
undone by the fragile metaphor
of purpose.
Two volumes of stone sit side by side
on the shelf, preserved by their long
attachments to life, their differences,
their sameness. Mostly their differences.
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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Jan 12, 2009 15:40:02 GMT -5
that's much better, and thanks for the title explanation, helps clear the fog a tad
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Post by Timothy Juhl on Jan 12, 2009 17:08:55 GMT -5
I love the new version of the line and you were dead on with 'completely'. I'm kicking myself now for not noticing before. And an adverb, no less! I'm still not convinced on the title though, but it's author privilege, as always.
Still loving the 'background'/'foreground' paperbag poem!
Tim
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