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Post by Timothy Juhl on Jan 13, 2009 13:20:46 GMT -5
The Beggars
Once whispered,
your words, those
dropped pennies
bank at my feet.
This blanket of talk
of bullshit,
words spent
on generalities,
and if I had a quarter
for every fight
for every fuck
we wasted;
a couple of bucks
for those tender
thrusts last night;
if I had all that
change
in my pocket now
I’d still take you
to dinner.
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Post by Sherry Thrasher on Jan 13, 2009 14:55:23 GMT -5
Very good and I am behind in my homework. Excellent revision and title change. Sorry to hear you have a cold. Stay warm and snuggly. Read a few good poems and drink a good broth. Helps me every time. I need you to be well by Sunday. We do have a service to attend and prayers to be written.  Dorianne put a kind message on your FB page. The woman is a genius. She read her poem "The Tooth Fairy" in class from the Kowit book. How cool is that? I took notes for you. I am in awe. She has been at this 35 years and she brought in a broadside from Mark Doty. I knew that would make you jealous. Be well, Sherry |
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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Jan 14, 2009 17:05:54 GMT -5
I like this version much better.
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Post by Marion Poirier on Jan 14, 2009 19:19:32 GMT -5
Tim, did not read the first version that is gone -
Aaaaah - how can I explain this ....
Take out the profanities - that's the difference between
a poet and a writer, we are illusionists and artists -
that is the essence of a skilled poet. In a story this would
be acceptable.
Be well.
Marion
P.S. to dissenters: This is my opinion only - not asking
you to change yours. M
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Post by LynnDoiron on Jan 15, 2009 1:21:44 GMT -5
Tim, if you take out the profanities, I absolutely will not marry you!
lynn
p.s. the strength of this work is in the honesty of emotion and reality of the language.
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Post by Sherry Thrasher on Jan 15, 2009 14:17:32 GMT -5
Gosh, I concur. Sometimes the raw honest truth works really well and I think that is the case here. Tim, your voice is distinctly your own and I really do appreciate that. I think this is very well done and I think you effectively exceeded the assignment. You should post this in the Church of Whitman. In that service we can say exactly what we want.
Sherry
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