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Post by LeoVictorBriones (poetremains) on Jan 16, 2009 0:46:11 GMT -5
Poetry is crown glory of the human resume,
it is frozen fingers flinging in the artic air,
the stretching climb up a clubhouse tree,
the fear of spiders and mice and little things,
the naked dance in the rainbow wind,
the laureate on the podium expounding genius
with sticks and accidental rhyme?
Yet, if you suppose this glory is chiseled to steel or sealed stone,
first consider the curious shoulder on which inspiration taps,
its polished shell hidden in billion grains of sand.
How even in the day our breath counts its final exaltations,
what a surprise is this clever Muse—
in a maze it hides behind corner walls,
in the grass beneath a blade and worm,
on lips beside chapped stems of tender skin ,
in thought behind imaginations handsome prelude.
As if to defy the humming echo in a cosmic prayer
we say like a ten-year old home run king,
“Watch, how I swing harder than the other guy,
listen to these words of mine—
how they ring the bell in a far off tower,
how they crumple and toss the paper of truth,
how the tightened fist will never unfold.”
Still, behind every clang and pulse of Muse,
there is didactic and cautionary tale
that squats like Buddha on an egoless chair
and says in words so certain and fresh
they snap and burst with the big bang of youth—
God first wrote every poem on the flicker of the universe.
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Post by Marion Poirier on Jan 16, 2009 15:51:36 GMT -5
Nice Leo. Needs some trimming - no surprise to you - I'm sure.  First off before I began the read, the to's at the beginning of the lines in the first stanza bothered me. I'd rather see indents - less repetition and better looking format. All poems should show a lot of blank paper on the page - sometimes what is left unsaid - speaks more than what is said. In the beginning, according to the Holy Bible - Old Testament, God said, Let there be light; however, He did not offer any explanations - no need to. Leo, that's my two-cents worth. Now let's see what other's think. M |
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Post by mfwilkie on Jan 18, 2009 11:39:14 GMT -5
Have read , Leo.
Like much in here.
Mulling some suggestions for you.
Maggie
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Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on Jan 18, 2009 20:11:16 GMT -5
I, too, am finding a lot to like here, Leo. I'm thinking some of the longer lines might benefit from different enjambments, but I'm unsure right now.
Stanza 2, line 3 I think should read, "a billion grains..." and in line 4 "on the day..."
Stanza 3, an extension of the baseball player's dialogue might work, might not. I'll be back. Good stuff.
Ron
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Post by mfwilkie on Jan 20, 2009 15:56:10 GMT -5
Still mulling, Leo.
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Post by mfwilkie on Jan 23, 2009 9:20:26 GMT -5
Leo,
A few suggestions on your opening:
Poetry, the crown glory of the human resume,
is frozen fingers flinging in the artic air,
the stretch to climb a clubhouse tree,
the fear of spiders, mice, all little things;
it is a naked dance in the rainbow wind,
the laureate making sense with sticks
and accidental rhyme?
Maggie
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