I was the Walrus (parts 1 and 2)

[Jarlsbane - Michael Ray Cotner]

She was May
more like March really
spring chicken
finger-lickin'
chickie chickie mao mao
legs behind her head young
colored her hair for fun
and blonde wasn't the one
that caused heads to turn
she was niagara falls
stoppered in a bottle too small
stiletto heels attitude
back against the wall
Across the Universe
she loved the walrus
in an italian restaurant
just the two of us
where heads turned
not at the color of her hair
but what we shared
together


I was September
in the middle of indian summer
banty rooster
breast and thigh connosieur
cock-a-doodle-doo
shakin' a tail feather
lookin for whatever
thought I could fly
out on a prison break
from things I couldn't take
livin' on a blue jean high
Bristled face and thick hide
I was the walrus
and she loved the walrus
goo goo ga joub
in a car by the lake
just the two of us
where we laughed and cried
over a future unwritten
two hearts were smitten
that couldn't best destiny
but tried

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

I have always really enjoyed these two pieces. I do wonder though if punctuation or maybe some line breaks might help the reader with it just a tad. Niagra Falls should be capped, should it not? And I still think they should be reverse in order but that is just one girl's opinion. Part 1 mentions the walrus but we don't know the walrus at that point. You did a great job of bringing the two to life. Enjoyable reads.

[alfredo]

I felt immediately felt moved to comment on the piece. I have not time to analyse but from one read through …it knocked my over …I immediately thought of the description of Marilyn Monroe (rinky tink etc). Which may have be written by Normal Mailer? Any how will be back soon. I liked it!

[Timothy Juhl]

Hey Michael,

You have really paid attention to sound in this poem and I love every crazy turn and pop reference. I don't think you need punctuation, in fact I strongly suggest you leave it unpunctuated...your line breaks and syllables are providing the pauses.

My only quibble with the poem...the title. You've woven so much of their lyrics into the piece, the title feels overdone and weakens the other two references in the poem.

Yours,
Tim

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

A lot of valuable feedback has been offered, Jarls. I very much like the poem, scattered with its pop references....................only one problem............the walrus was Paul............

Now, buddy..........let me see you shake a tail feather...........purified!!