Eve

[antman]

in her eyes there's
a fire that warms weary
cold hearts strewn
and forgotten

like burnt offerings
some choose to bake
others prefer to smolder

her smooth smile
soothes the chaffed
and doughty

their senses savor
her highlights that
whip the stale air like
lavender

with the gentleness
of sparrow or fawn
she moves about
my eden

I'm branded by her
beauty seared by her
ethereal charm

Funny, I find myself
flayed and splayed
by desire for her

almost forgotten
but not

I'm still a morning person

[Timothy Juhl]

Doughty? Doughty? The word's lost all meaning...to quote Jon Lovitz. There are some good connective threads running through this poem, but there are occasions where it borders on the cliche (ethereal charm).

Gentleness of sparrow or fawn...confusing...pick one of them.

The last line creates a lot of murkiness...I'm not sure what it means to the rest of the poem.

Tim

[antman]

Thanks for the read Tim.
I might consider another word choice than doughty seems to
me though that you still might know what it means.
This poem's a metaphor I don't feel I need to defend.

peace,
anthony

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

Hello dear,

Hope all is well in your world. I can only take my own meaning into this poem and I see someone who has encountered a charming/seductive woman and she follows him into his subconscious, until morning light when he pulls himself from her trance. My take anyway and I like it. Like the use of sparrow and fawn as both are different in their approach.

I'm not sure about the use of doughty either but not for the same reason. It just feels a bit out of place in tone for this piece. A little harder sounding.

I think you did a good job with this, my friend.

Love and light always,
JL

[antman]

Thanks Jo,
Eve is seductive yes, she's just a personification
of a time some love and adore.
My last line speaks for itself.
As for doughty? Read my next poem.

peace and love,
anthony