Materialism

[Jay Gandhi (engineering poet!)]

Materialism

Are you single or do you have a girlfriend?
Which party shall you attend this weekend?
How many calories in a week do you burn?
Hmm…by the way… how much do you earn?

How do you travel towards your workplace?
How often do you work on happening Saturdays?
What is the latest thing that you’ve got to learn?
Never mind; just tell me how much do you earn?

Do people respect you for the person who you are?
Do people consider you an ethical superstar?
How much output have you managed to churn?
Brushing all things aside… how much do you earn?

Are you a cricketer, poet or a software engineer?
Are you a writer, singer or a trivial ALTO driver?
Are you happy, satisfied….Are you having fun?
Only thing that matters is how much do you earn.

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

Jay, I think this poem says a lot. The struggle between the values of the world and what the spirit values is universal. It is interesting to me that this struggle of modernity is no doubt intensifying in India as your economy and people's prosperity expands. So I believe the philosophical underpinning of the poem are exceptional. I would, however, offer this advise: take each individual abstract idea and make them into concrete images. For instance, instead of:

What is the latest thing that you’ve got to learn?
Never mind; just tell me how much do you earn?

Did you open the pages of Gibran, Rumi or Tagore
or were you satisfied that digits on your paycheck brag how much you earn.

or something like that, you get the point. Thanks I liked this poem. I look forward to the re-write.

Leo

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

I like the concept of the poem, but I think using each line as a question becomes too repetitive. I also feel the last line can be strengthened...the whole poem leads up to the last line, so I would think about it being a power punch...........rather than simply a reiteration of the last line of each of the stanzas.

Nice to see you here, Jay.........Namaste.

[LynnDoiron]

Good rhythm here; and a sort of panic effect with all the questions works for me in the poem.

[Jay Gandhi (engineering poet!)]

Hi;

There was 1 comment which seems to have been deleted.
That comment said that the above written lines, as per the knowledge of the reviewer is not a poem. I respect every comment. So I have taken no offence for it and I would request the reviewer to re-post the comment. I am a very small writer in the scheme of things... Criticism is part and parcel of life. Leo...I am working on the poem. I will get back...hopefully sooner rather than later.... Thanks a lot for replies.