A Night in New England

[Sherry Thrasher]

Do we remember the shape of his face
before the surgeon’s knife pulled bronzed skin tight
across lips shadowed by an over-
sized nose? Tomorrow is just another day
but tonight we pack every word of Mandy
into the Boston Garden where Barry croons
in New York City Rhythm.
Seventies children, we sway
with hips that remember bell bottom jeans;
those days of weed and nights of sex,
those days in the back seat
of an olive green LeMans are long time gone
like songs spooled on eight track tapes.
Damn, the man can still sing. For an hour or two we escape
rising mortgage rates, forget our deficits
and clap along to Lola and songs of Havana nights.
We’ve come a long way
since days of being carded at imitations
of the Copacabana
I imagine it looks like we’ve made it.

[Marion Poirier]

Sherry, interesting poem. I was not aware that Barry
had a lip reduction. Is that what you mean in the beginning
lines and is that relevant?
I like the poem very much; if it were mine, I'd use stanza
breaks because I like them.

Here's a few suggestions for stanza breaks to T or L. Marion

Do we remember the shape of his Barry's face
before the surgeon’s knife pulled bronzed skin tight
across lips shadowed by an over-
sized nose?

Tomorrow is just another day
but tonight we pack every word of Mandy
into the Boston Garden where Barry he croons
in New York City Rhythm.

Seventies children, we sway
with hips that remember bell bottom jeans;
those days of weed and nights of sex,

those days in the back seat
of an olive green LeMans are long time gone
like songs spooled on eight track tapes.

Damn, the man can still sing.
For an hour or two we escape
rising mortgage rates, forget our deficits
and clap along to Lola and songs of Havana nights.

We’ve come a long way
since days of being carded at imitations
of the Copacabana

I imagine it looks like we’ve made it.

[Timothy Juhl]

Hey Sherry,

Some excellent improvements, especially the line about the bell bottoms...that's exactly what I was thinking it should read.

I'm not crazy about the question as the opening of the poem. I liked it better when it was just a statement (and I have personal issues with questions in poetry).

The line that falls totally flat now for me is 'Damn, the man can still sing.' It breaks the mood of the poem now and seems apologetic in a poem that is otherwise indicting not only of the past, but also the present.

I really like Marion's suggested line breaks, these give the reader a moment to actualize what has just been read.

You're on it!

Tim

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Hi Sherry. Like Tim, I don't think you want a question to open this one. I think it would read much stronger as a statement, but I really like the poem itself, and I have to admit my own fandom of all things Barry. Clever ending, too.